Sunday, April 16, 2006

The Story of the Phantom Uterus and The Watermelon Seed

I was sitting aroun tonight talkin to my friend Jake and have finally worked up the courage to tell my most secret of you can tell by the journal entry it invloves a phantom uterus and a watermelon on its great work, Pulitzer Prize worthy if u ask me!

The Story of the Phantom Uterus and The Watermelon Seed© By Dominique Lipscomb

See I was born with an inexplicable uterus in my stomach cavity...none of the doctors could understand since I had all the male genitalia and just this "Phantom Uterus". My parents decided it wasnt worth the cost to have it removed when I was young since all the experts said "it poses no threat to his health and he will develop like a normal boy.(Thats only cause they didn't know I was gonna be dropped on my head and eat paint chips as a child).

Well all went fine until I turned 11 and started having internal bruising for no reason at all. I would wake up about once a month with bruises in my abdominal cavity. So my parents took me to the doctor and they found out that for some odd reason my floating uterus was menstruating. It was at this point the doctors said it was prolly best if I got it removed to prevent this from continuing, but my parents being too cheap decided I could "live with the bruising, it would make me stronger after all."

I went another two years before anymore new problems just the internal bruising once a month, which i had become a pro at masking with make up at this point or saying i got it from the previous nights Fight Club. Then one day I started gaining weight for no reason and i was havin all these weird moods and cravings so they took me to the doctor and and found out that a watermelon seed had implanted itself in my uterus and was growing. I was gonna be a proud parent! Well proud till I found out that I would have to pass it through my urethra cause insurance wouldnt pay for a c-section of a watermelon! That was when I said "fuck this...get this damn uterus outta me."

And thats how I had an abortion and a hysterectomy all in one. Come to think of it, it was one damn good watermelon....I guess that makes me a cannibal!

Hope You all enjoyed the story..have a great night. Please leave comments, it took alot of courage for me to tell this story, I would love to know what you thought about my ordeal and if you have any similar stories out there.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Being Bored on the Weekend Isnt Always Bad

It's the weekend and I am sittin in my room pretty bored; when the weather is nice but the pollen is high, being bored indoors isnt so bad. Why cant trees just be like normal objects and have physical sex so we didnt have to be covered in its "love juice"? As a homage to this my weird sexual dance, my entry is in these weird colors; green for spring and yellow for tree sperm. Remember that next time someone ask "have u ever been covered in sperm?" you can't say no unless you live in bubble!

I still got projects to work on and yes my computer is being retarded, but all in all this weekend is off to a fairly good start. If i am lucky I will get to play some tennis after watching it and be able to play some tournaments by the end of the summer. Still need to work on that second serve and net game, but baby steps.

Unfourtunately I do need to break some news to my parents that I kinda lied to them and that won't be any fun but I think I wil get through it without dying. The lie is complicated and not worth sharing, but I am working on that whole honor thy mother and father thing, though I would prefer to remain the prodigal son (you would understand what I meant if you knew my brother).

I dont like this whole living on credit thing. Being broke is no fun either though. Once again, I cant wait till I have disposable income.

Thursday, April 6, 2006

Back and Blacker Than I Been In A While

Wassup peeps

Thats right I am back in town from my second spring break of the year, and though I do believe the first one was far more memorable than the second, they were both great. I learned some interesting thing during my "spring break" in Tempe, Arizona at the racquetball intercollegiate nationals.

1. I am good enough at racquetball to win a medal, but sucky enough to get my ass kicked by scary lookin women.
2. No matter how much I try to educate my white compatriots about black people they are still goin to make sweeping generalizations that will feel sorry for them.
3. I can become angry when agitated while intoxicated and attempt to stab people with a corckscrew.
4. Arizona is a great place to live from October through April
5. I could date a woman much older than myself and bone her too!!!!

I know I am stupid, crazy and weird, but tell me something I dont know.... Like what is the price of two dozen ostrich eggs in Zimbabwe? I am writing this in my MKT340 class because my prof droans on about nothin forever. No time to do it otherwise, I got a crapload of work to make up do to my second vacation. Signin off for now...
Holla Back
"The Man Who Knows Something, Knows He Knows Nothing at All"