Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Good news on the new job front as well. Its still a jello-y foundation, but looks like things could be shoring themselves up in the near future. Hopefully I can put it off to the new year and start on an actual career path.
Healing from the marathon continues and so does the constant pig-fest. I am so happy right now, this is a much welcomed break from training. It also allows me to focus on studying my Spanish which I feel great about, I am really learning things. I know I will be ready for Spain 2010.
Just like the marathon I am gonna keep moving, even if I am not moving that fast. Buenos noches mi gente.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Its been a little over 24 hours since I completed my first marathon and my body feels like it. Were it not for my continuous conciousness and self awareness I would think I was a person 50 years my senior. My joints and muscles hurt and I move at a pace much slower than what I am accustomed. I am so happy to have taken this day of rest, and the massage was great too; all thats left now is a hot bath.Additional revelations of the past 24 hours:
- I am more competitive than I previously thought and am largely unsatisfied with my time results of yesterdays marathon. Look for the training to start again soon and a better time next year. Once I beat Oprah, maybe then I can stop.
- Life is WAY MORE COMPLICATED than most people want it to be. The mere act of simplifying can be made to be complicated.
Tomorrow it is back to work, and Wednesday is Halloween. Still not sure what the costume is gonna be, but I will be celebrating. Peace all
Sunday, October 28, 2007
The positives: Thank you so much to everyone that came out and supported me, and for those who couldn't be here but sent messages anyway I appreciate. What a beautiful day to have to run 26.2 Miles; it could have been a little less windy, but the sun was bright and the sky was blue I shall not ask for more. I finished through sheer willpower and the grace of God; Despite the aches and pains he saw me through and that was the ultimate goal.
The Negatives: I should of stuck with the training cause my body was truly unprepared for this occasion; stopping at sixteen miles does not infact prepare you to run a marathon, neither does missing 13 days of training within 30 days of the grand event. Prior to today I didnt think it was possible, but now I know it is; EVERY SINGLE MUSCLE IN YOUR BODY CAN HATE YOU SIMULTANEOUSLY! Probably shouldnt have played three intense sets of tennis the day before, my shoulders made me pay for that one. Should have gotten better energy bars, cause cotton mouth is not conducive to great performance. Getting a good night's rest is important; having nightmares about soul stealing gremlin light creatures and being cold do not help in this regard.
In the end I am so excited I was able to complete the marathon, it is an experience I wouldnt take back; I can say that through all the aches and pains that I am experiencing right now. Its onto the next goal now: Espana 2010! Watch and encourage me as I eat everything in sight and pack on the pounds this winter. Adios Los Monos!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
It is this very complexity that leads to my frustrations with people's, but much more specifically my parents, inability to lose weight. I am not asking them to lose a lot of weight immediately, but any forwards progress would be great. Till this week, I just couldn't understand why someone would willingly subject their body to the torture of carrying around excess pounds, especially at an age when the body is already breaking down without the added pressures.
It wasn't until today I could see into the world of trying to lose weight. I have never had to diet, or watch what I eat unless I was watching it disappear as I shoved it down; this week, however, I have decided to "purify" and prepare my body for the physical undertaking of this weekend (AKA the Marines Corps Marathon). Part of this purification and preparation process is to eat little to no fat (goodbye french fries, fast food, and hot dogs), processed or simple sugars (goodbye cookies and bite-size candy bars) while consuming complex carbs for energy (can you say pasta and rice, cause by now I can say it in ten different languages) and mass amounts of water to remain hydrated ("the urinal is my friend").
Why is this difficult? Well "His Fatness" likes being just that (all credit to thee who named me; your pretty good at it)! On top of the restrictive diet I have placed upon myself, I am not running so as to avoid injury or premature fatigue during race day and as a result am eating less so that I don't gain weight. AND THATS where the problem starts! Not eating makes me EXTREMLY cranky, frustrated and irritable. Only by going through this can I now sympathize to some degree with the pains people must go through to lose weight and fit a body image that is inconsiderately cast upon them by society. I LITERALY FEEL YOUR PAIN!
This of course brings up more issues with weight and food that I clearly have, but I will save that for another time cause I am trying not to all make this entry about me.
Went to the MLK Jr. Library to renew a book and some other things, but the "system" was down and they couldnt help me do anything.
"Do you have any idea when the system might be back up?" "We didn't even know it was going down today"...(wait did she really just say that, she couldnt have said that)..."um...ok, thanks."
Despite this minor setback, I moved forward with the gooddayness. Spent sometime outdoors during lunch reading about the "The Dark-Side of The All American Meal" courtsey of Fast Food Naton. Despite not much sun the weather was great, the breeze was warm and it was nice to be out of the office filling my mind instead of my stomach for a change.
After my self-approved extended lunch break, I returned to work and actually did some. Nothing brings you back from the lofty perches you might have been on like the mundane process of sending more people back to the third world nations they fled. Onward the afternoon went with nothing truly exciting to speak of, but I did get a chance to practice some spanish and read up on some tennis. All was not last
Early in the afternoon I received a phone call that would proceed to brighten my day. Through the long process of interviewing and waiting and fretting I wasnt sure that I would actually get the job. Well, I kinda did. A tentative offer was extended to me as a Management Analyst G-5 within the GAO. FLIPPIN great opportunity. It is part of a graduated program that guarantees excellerated advancement with satisfactory performance. While the starting salary may be less than what I am making now, in six months to a year I will be making more for sure.
Great weather continued into the night and I was in the mood to make Hamburger Helper in the crockpot. That wasnt dinner though. Dinner was a carb-loaded bowl of pasta with some broccoli that I spilled half of on the living floor; what was left was good though. While fiddling around in the kitchen cleaning, (yes I am a little nuerotic about it, but I live with a slob) I found some mail for me that the Princess had failed to set aside. What is this.... A CHECK! YAY, money! $99.85 to be exact. Tax refund for textbooks from school. This means I can pay for my passport and start my globe trotting. Lookout world, here I come.
Said my prayers of thanks for the help I received. It was a good day.
I love being called black
I love being an American
I love being a Black American
but as a black man in this country I think its a shame
that every few years we get a change of name
since those first ships arrived here from Africa
that came across the sea
there were already black men in country who were free
As for those who came over on those terrible boats
they were called Nigger and Slave
and told what to do and how to behave
and the Masta started trippin'
doin his late night tippin'
down through the slave shacks
where he forced great great great grandma and he to be together
and if great great great grandpa protested, he got tarred and feathered
and at the same time, the black men in the country that were free
were meetin' with the tribes like the Apache and Cherokee
and as a result of all that
we are a parade of every shade
and at this late day and age you can be sure
ain't to many of us in this country whose bloodline is pure
But according to a geological, geographical, geneology study published in Time Magazine
the Black African people were the first on the scene
so for what its worth the Black African people were the first on earth
and through migration our characteristics started to change and rearrange
to whatever climate we migrated to
and this how I became me and you became you
so if we gonna go back,lets go all the way back
and if Adam was black and Eve was black
that kinda makes it a natural factt
hat everybody in America is an African American
everybody in Europe is an African European
everybody in the Orient is an African Asian
and so on and so on
That is, if the origin of man is what we gonna go on
and if one drop of black blood act like they say,
then everybody's black anyway
so quit tryin to change my identityi'm already who i was meant to be
i'm a black american born and raised
and brother james brown wrote a wonderful phrase
"Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud, Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud"
cause I'm proud to be Black and I ain't NEVER lived in Africa
'Cause my great great granddaddy on my daddies side from there
don't mean I wanna go back
now I have nothing against there
its where some of the most beautiful places and people world in the world are found
but I been blessed to go alot of places in this world,and if you asked me where I choose to liveI pick America, hands down
Now bye and bye we were called Negroes
and after a while that name was banished
anyway negro is just how you say black in Spanish
then we were called Colored
everybody is one color or another
and I think its a shame we hold that against each other
and it seems we reverted back to a time when being called black was an insult
even if another black man said it a fight would result
we were so brain washed that black was wrong
that even the Yellow Niggas and the Black Niggas couldn't get along
But then came the 1960's
when we struggled and diedto be called equal and Black
when we walked with pride
with our heads held high and our shoulder pushed back
and Black was beautiful
but I guess that wasn't good enough
cause now here they come with some other stuff
Who comes up with this shit anyway?
was it one or just a group of niggas sittin around one day?
gettin a little insecure again about being called black
and decided that African American sounded a little more exotic
well I think you were bein a little more neurotic
its that same mentality that got Amos and Andy put off the air
cause they were embarrassed about the way the character spoke
and as a result of that action alot of wonderful black actors ended up broke
when we were just laughin and havin fun about ourselves
so I say FUCK YOU if you cant take a joke
you didn't see the Beverley Hillbillies been protested by White folks
and if you think that of course you think being called African American would put all Black peoples minds at ease
since we affectionately call each other Nigga
I affectionately say to you Nigga Please!
How come I didn't get a chance to vote on who I would like to be
who gave you the right to make that decision for me
I ain't under your rule or under your dominion
and I am entitled to my own opinion
now there are some African Americans here
but they recently moved here from places likeKenya, Ethiopia, Zambia, Zimbabwe and Zaire
but not a brother who's family has lived here for generations
occupyin space in all the locations
New York, Miami, LA, Detroit, Chicago
even if he is wearin a Dashiki and sporting an Afro
And if in search of your race you'll find out quick
you're not an African American you're just a Black American in Africa takin' up space
why beat yourself up get a chance to go and you went
most people there wouldn't even claim you as one of them
as a purebred daughter or son of them
your heritage is right here now no matter how no matter what you call yourself or what you sayand alot of people died to make it that way
And if you think America is a leader on inequality and sufferin and grievin
how come there are so many people comin and so few leavin
rather than all this fine folk with America shit you promotin
if you wanna change somethin
use your privilege, get to the polls, commit to votin
God knows we have earned the right to be called American Americans
and rather than you movin forward progress
you dwellin in the past
we struggled to long and come to far
So to the folks who know who we were
lets be proud of who we are
we the only people who's name is always a trend
when is this shit gonna end?
look at all the different colors of our skin
black is not our color its our core
its what we been livin, and fightin and diein for
but if you choose to be called African American
and thats your preference
then I give you that reference
but I know on this issue I don't stand alone on my own
and if I can
let me be me
and I'd appreciate it
when you see me
there goes a man that says it loud
I'm black, I'm a Black American and I'm proud
cause I love bein' an American
and I love bein' Black
I love bein called Black
yeah I said it
and I don't take it back
This is a poem by Smokey Robinson, and I am so happy we found each other. Amongst the clutter of smut and stupid jokes my father routinely sends me, was this little gem. Its a six minute sound clip that Donnie Simpson played on his show, and it hit home so I felt the need to write it down for future reflection. I know there are parts of it that are controversial, but dont all great thoughts have some hint of controversy. Let me know your thoughts and how you feel on the issue.
Monday, October 22, 2007
As a result this week will be a mixed bag of emotions; there will be excitement and anxiety, fear and loathing, anticipation and despair. Come Sunday night, aside from the pain in my legs and various other parts of my body, I am sure that mentally I will feel nothing but pride. Any regrets that I might have had in registering for this mental and physical torture, will be vanquished in under 4 hours (hopefully).
Monday is my last day of self-indulgence prior to the race and then the cleansing and preparation begins. Look out for the email with info on how you can come out and support me.
Monday, October 15, 2007
I, personally, am proud to be entering this period in my life; I have goals that I want to achieve and none of them include permanence of any kind.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Finally, patience paid off and I was awarded with two new customers and a visit with a client in need. Translation: Overnight pet-sit for a chow Fri and Sat, AM & PM walks for a Pointer Sat and Sun, AM & PM walks for a pup = over $150 in revenue. THANK YOU JESUS! This money will be spent to pay off a stupid red-light ticket and decrease some credit card debt. May the jobs keep coming.
On A Side Note: Its been over 10 days since I last ran, a horrible statistic with the marathon only a week away. The next two weeks will require some serious cracking down in order to make sure I can finish this marathon. I have faith that God will see me through it in good health, but I need to do my part. I need your support people. Look for the race route and info in a future post so that you can come out and cheer. Best believe there will be an entire post on it!Peace
Thursday, October 11, 2007
If only I had stumbled upon this earlier, in life. So often when I was younger I was resistant to "journaling" cause of society's stigma that journaling was for girls or women; insecure with my own masculinity (who doesn't struggle with image as a teenager?) I would not allow myself to do what seems second nature to me. It's like what Common talks about on "Love Is":...as men we were taught to hold it in/ that's why we don't know how till we're older menThank God I am becoming an older man...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
We all have secrets the dark secrets we hold so close to our chests, so destructive are they to the image we have constructed to the world. While Senator Larry Craig has his unwillingly revealed in a Minnesota airport bathroom, Marion Jones decided to take the high road and willing bare her's to the world in a "dignified" manor. TV soaps are constructed on the drama created behind secrets kept or revealed and gossip mags make their fortunes speculating on the secrets of the rich and "famous."
Who amongst could be ensarled by the ravenous mob under that lusts for constant fulfillment of pain, drama, and degredation yet escape unscathed. Perhaps its time we reflect on what we would want should we have a similar secret and grant peace to these "innocent" souls. I wish there fate upon only my most despised enemies.
I now apologize to everyone that had to sit in a car while I was at the wheel in my early driving career. I know it was 430 and there was no one on the road, but it was not necessary to go 50 miles an hour down 23rd St.
Happy to have arrived safely at the airport 20 mins later the check in process goes smoothly, that is aside from the stupid liquid gel rule that I had forgotten about. Goodbye hair gel and lotion, hello dry skin and scalp! The flights were great and there were no delay along the way. Duluth welcomed me with no interference, right on time.
The trip, was to be a surprise for the friend on the mend, but I had managed to unintentionally spill the beans the day before. "The unveiling" of "the specialness" as I had come to be known was less climatic than I hoped but the welcome was warm nonetheless. This was not to be a weekend of constant debauchery such as ones gone past, but a weekend of kinship and brotherhood. For this trip sober nights would be far more memorable than drunk ones.
Not wanting to dissapoint, Duluth presented me with its best face, another cold rainy weekend. Four times I have been to this City of The North and only once has the weather been hospitable. This weekend the wind-whipped from the east across the river covering the city in a perputual heavy fog that was thick enough to cut with a knife. Weather didnt keep us down. Movies and football were watched, people were made fun of, scrabble was played and food was eaten quantities that I long forgot that I was capable of indulging myself.
Monday arrived and alas it was time for me to depart. I said my farewells till the next time our paths would cross. Promises were made to try and make my way back before the end of the year. Little did I know my adventure was truly just beginning. What followed would make for a very long trip home.
Two words: Mechanical Problem. 3.5 extra hours in a plane at the gate. All connections to the DC AREA missed. $31 in food vouchers, $39 in hotel voucher. Extra day of trip. 3.5 hours of sleep. 630am flight. 8am arrival. 9 Hour work day. Journey Finished.
Would do it all over again despite the difficulties. Time has come for me to sleep and enjoy it I will....more thoughts to come. Peace
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
...or so I thought. I arrived home at one of the most tumultous times for my family. Prince Half Baked was well on his was to being a royal jackass and this close to being thrown out. The inevitable happened on June 29 and out of love for my brother I did the only thing I could think of. I welcomed him into my house with a couple conditions and a deadline. The very jesture I hoped would be accepted as a symbol of peace in my relationship brother instead became a jesture with different symbolism to me. What followed was four months of absolute torture; I was a POW in my own house. It became so bad that all I could do was anticipate the day of my release. A countdown was started and prayers were said.
The deadline has arrived, Emancipation Day is here. "Take these shackles off my feet so I can dance" The future is bright once again, and I have to worry about no one but me. The freedom I had lost tastes much sweeter this second time around.
Monday, October 1, 2007
So what is my obsession? Weight. I am not a 600 lbs. morbidly obese man or 86 lbs. bhelemic/ annorexic woman, but I have issues that need some confronting. I constantly struggle with the (somewhat) irrational fear that I will end up as the former. I am entrenched in a genetic battle. Much like the 100 Years' War that entrapped France and England during the middle ages, this battle is constant and never ending. Periods of inner peace are followed by stretches of turmoil and unrest.
I know my obsession is at least partly grounded, as so many things are, in my upbringing. Like most people in pop-culture, my family looks down upon overweight and obese (FAT!) people. We spend countless hours poking fun at and laughing about how FAT people are whenever we are together. The ironic thing however is that that the forebearers in my family are far from the image standards we hold everyone else to. There are many contributing factors to their losses in the battle against weight gain; my mom like to credit the two "big head boys" and menopause for ravaging her slim figure, while my dad points the finger at a bad back and two bad knees. The truth is the two have carried on sorid affairs with Ms. Eneethang Sweet and Mr. Lotza Szalt adding to the inevitable affects of aging and a slowing metabolic rate.
I see myself in my father and grandfather, an athletic man in his "prime" with the ability to eat recklessly and abundantly with little regard for calorie counts and trans fats quantities with few foreseable present reprocussions. But post prime, when this fine tuned machine I was given by God starts to wear down, the battle is an uphill one comparable to climbing Mt. Everest in a blizzard. My obsession comes from not wanting to take the same path my parents have chosen while at the same time trying to help them reverse the damage.
Not only does my obsession with weight force me to ponder on it incessantly. But it imbues a sense of yearning within me to intake programing pertaining to overweight people and a nation of overconsumers. Yes its gross to see a 1000 lb. man have to be airlifted out of his place because he cant walk down the stairs, but it is also what I need to see, so I dont end up like him.
In the end I will continue to wage the war against my genes, with the hopes of eating healthier in smaller quantities, but I dont know what my future holds.