Running

is good for you so thats what I am going to do. As of late I have been eating up quite a storm and not using much of the energy for good. No, I have not gained weight, but I believe I have lost fitness. I will run not only to start training for the marathon in October, but also to get things off my mind. So many things to think about over the next couple days its just easier to put on some good tunes and run until my feet are sore and my lungs burn. Maybe NYC this weekend..Day Trip. Who Knows. Only God! Out for now

Let us bow our heads

for the victims and their families of the VTech school shooting today. At least 33 people have lost their lives in another senseless act of violence. While details on the shooting are still fuzzy, what is clear is that many of these people were killed for no reason and with no provocation. I thank God that I have never had to experience such cataclysmic loss in my own life. Even if your not relegious or lack faith, have hope that those affected by this event can piece their lives back together.

More to tell about my day, but for now a moment of silence.

So many things

have changed in the few days since my last post. First my iPod has seized up and decided to die again. I am working on getting my money back or getting it fixed again for free. I was so overjoyed that it was working and then it started to freeze up and die and now it is giving me the sad iPod face again. But alas I digress from this issue, onto the good.

Things are looking up in the apt search. I went and viewed a unit on 17th and U St on Friday evening and have fallen in love with it. For starters it is a two level duplex with 2 master bedrooms and an extra half bath. The rent is $2475 a month and doesn't include utilities but does include a parking space. There is a redone kitchen, a fireplace, a small deck out back and a small perch outside the front window of the smaller master bedroom. Initially pets will not be allowed but that can be negotiated later and we would have to sign a two year lease. We will find out this week if we got the place but things are looking up due to several things that have gone our way. If we do get the place look forward to a house warming party where you will be required to bring small tokens of appreciation such as toilet paper, paper towels, dishwashing liquid and other inexpensive but necessary tokens items. I respect the fact that you're poor too. Here are some pics to wet your pallet. Say some prayers for us and I will be sure to let you know the result as soon as I do.


On another note there are several issues at the forefront of the national attention that have me concerned. This week you couldn't walk ten feet without hearing something about the "Imus story". While personally I have taken his comment and turned into a term of endearment to use on female friends(hypocritcal I know, but more on that later), I know there was no endearment as the words "them some nappy-headed hos" left his mouth. The resulting fallout is very intriguing.Should he have been fired for what he said. I don't think so. Unfortunately the ignorant bastard has some rights to free speech based on his constitutional right. The line is crossed when what is said is done so with malicious intent and creates a hostile environment. What I believe he was truly fired for was that he could no longer produce a desirable product as sponsor of the show pulled out in order not to alienate enraged consumers of their products.

On another face of the story are the "champions" of our cause Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. In my opinion hardly moral posts to whom we should anchor ourselves as a race still looking for racial equality and progress. As one Joe r. Hicks (glad that ain't my name) of the Washington Post writes "we are confronted with the specter of individuals who have little in the way of moral credibility...no presenting themselves as arbiters of public morality and good taste in broadcasting." He could not be more dead on. These two are notorious for finding issues that have a racial tint and using it to their personal advantage for self-promotion. It was gratifying to read in the very same article that "Polls have shown that only about 2 percent of blacks view Sharpton as their leader." These are the same people who have made racially insensitive statements about Jews on two separate occasions.

The good that will arise from this incident is the attention it brings to our community on the double standards about the negative images we place on our own community. As a consumer and perpetuator of some of these negative images I am far from taking the high road on this one. "Make it Rain" is an addicitingly great song but the lyrics are far from positive. Lupe and Common are equally addicting and spin positive images of life in the community. I guess I need to make a stand.

Spotlighted again this week is the Duke Rape Case; you know the one of which I speak. All charges against the three players have been dropped due to lack of evidence. While I believe that the three young men are innocent of the crimes they were charged with, the case is still an example of privilege in America. These young men were in a situation of their own choosing. Notorious for partying and causing trouble they have little space to say they were unjustly vilified. These men could have just have easily gone to a strip club for this entertainment, if it was an absolute necessity. However this is another example of The Reverends have used an issue for their own promotion. (When will the media realize that the majority of the black community doesn't give two shits about what these men have to say?)

THE RESTORATION...

to my world. Once again I have my iPod in working order which means my musical companion will ensure I do not have to listen to stupid people on the train or sing songs that I wish I were listening to. O, boy...I can buy CDs again. O HAPPY DAY!

P.S. I baked a cake last night and it was good. my grandma said it was really good but I think that was just her being nice. Cause it was good, but I have had better (though that better wasnt made by me). However, if your a diabetic you might want to stay away from the icing, its a tad bit sweet....still workin on the spanish. Mi amigo y yo, esta hablamos el espanol en 2008

Thank God the good does not always come with the bad

Today I got some of the best news I have had in a long time. After waiting all weekend to hear, the owner of the apt we viewed last week called to inform me that she wanted to extend an offer to us. This was on top of the already good news I had received from my permanent position that they wanted me to start working on Monday. I would have my own place and I would be able to afford it. Here I am on a high of my own manufacturing, E aint got nothin on me when I am in a good mood.

Shortly after this phone call however I sank down to the low I should have known was coming. Relaying this good information to my cousin was going to be depressing cause I knew she was not very interested in the place. Though I do not agree with her reasons I at least respect her opinion and want her to feel comfortable in her life. It is number 2 on Maslow's Hieracrhy of Needs. So now I sit waiting for the call to tell me she doesnt want the place and then having to make a call of my own and tell the one lady who was willing to give us a chance that we are not interested in taking it. What I have to believe is that this is what the Lord wants from me.

If as I suspect my cous does call and tell me that she is not interested in the place, I have formulated a new plan of action. Though I dont think I will be the happiest I can at home I will suck it up and deal with it. Second part will be to put as much of my earnings as possiblt to paying off my student loans. My parents want me to save, but personally I think debt elimination is far more practical than saving. Having nothin and owing nothing is far better than having something and owing a lot. I will be no one's slave! This part of the plan calls for spending as much as half of my earning on debt repayment.

I figure the longer it takes us to look for apts and the more time I spend at home the greater desire I will have to flee this city once more. I love my family to death, but its something about living at home that just makes me want to pack up and leave. Come December, if I am still living at home dont be surprised to hear I have picked up and moved to Seattle, Austin, San Diego, Houston, or even Miami. I will miss DC but the seperation will be exhilirating.

Three more days on the temp job, hopefully some tennis this week and weekend. And onwards and upwards from there. God grant me strength, wisdom and peace. Buenos Noche Mi Gente!

What Does the Future Hold?

Today I went and looked at apts again with my cousin. And I am still in love with the place on Holmead. Here is the link if you care to look. We submitted the application today and we should find out before the weekend is over if we will have a new place to live come April 1st. I am pupmed about the possibility, but hesitant due to my recent history on applying for units. The cous is not too happy about the place for her own reasons but I think its a great place to live. O well updates to come when I get them. Weigh-in my people...what do you think?

I Did Not Lie

I told my grandparents the truth of my booboo and all was well in the Lipscomb household. Today is better as a result. Thats two things I didnt lie about. My grandfather doesnt want me to try and fix it myself cause he doesnt want more damage done, which I understand, but I wish he would let me try.

Supposed to play tennis this evening with a young lady I met through a tennis ladder so that should be fun. Barring of course that it doesnt rain. Went and looked an apt last night that I have like second most of all. Here is the order in case you were wonderin:

1341 T Street NW

3321 Holmead Place NW

1301 T Street NW

1325 13th Street NW

Google them, but if I found out that you had something to do with me not getting them "I WILL CUT YA!"

I really liked the place but there are reasons my cousin has reserves about moving in that I can understand. Here is why I am enamored with it. Two full baths. Elongated layout (bedrooms on opposite sides of the apt). City Living (imagine scenes of Brooklyn from the movies). Possibility of Pets (can you say woof or arff). Last but not least, the lady seems to want to help us get the place (I am tired of rejection).

But alas I will wait until we look at the other places to decide. Details to be divulged later. Buenos dia mi gente.

Fear of the unknown

As the day has worn by ever so slowly, I have been unable to do anything except fear the worst. I know they are only material objects but I wish so hard for the whole event to never have happened. If only I had paid attention. Right now the worst part is not knowning how bad the damage is. Will I be able to fix it? How upset will people be? How much trust will I lose as a result? Too many repercussions to think about and the stress is killing me.

This is not going to bode well for my health. I have prayed at least 100 times today that the damage isnt bad and the situation fixable. Lessons are great for the future, but in the present they suck. I am sure tomorrow will be better, but with so many things to do in the coming days I have to find time to make sure I fix these problems.

Life truly can be a house of falling cards. One piece falls out and the whole house comes down. Currently I am in a not so great streak, but I am sure that I will come through stronger than I was before. GOD superpowers or second chances would be nice right now. I just want 2 mins to do over. This morning from 8:29-8:31 ::SIGH::!

I am out for now. Will sign on tonight with an update on the whole situation. It might be a restless one!

I hate my car

because I get in so much trouble with it. Not even 2 hours into my day and already my dumbass has done something I will regret. Once again I got behind the wheel of my car and wasnt paying attention and as all you drivers out there can attest to this is a deadly combination. I was in an accident. Thats right people, count them we are at 2 self damage, 2 fender benders, and 1 junker. Three while in parking lots or parked car situations and four in the last 12 months. Laugh all you want. They were all done due to careless rushing the latest to my grandmothers car.

Today I was backing up so I could turn around to go my normal way to work and wasnt paying attention. As a result I went up under her car (she has a SUV). As a result I broke the clear plate cover she had and put some nice scratches on her car, but I dont think there were any dents. I cleaned and fled the crime scene too fast to actually know for sure. After surveying the area to make sure none of her neighbors had witnessed the incident and could report it to her before I did. My car has a nice volleyball size dent on the rear hatch and some serious scratching. UUUUGGGGHHH.

Now I know this is wrong but there were several positives I could take from this. I was blessed it was a family members car cause that allows me to correct the situation without the need for insurance and increased costs. I was happy (not really blessed) that my grandparents werent home at the time. This gives me all day to figure out my approach on telling them of my boo-boo, and do some research on how to correct the problem. Unless they discover it on their own, which is a possibility, but I am hoping they wont. I am also fortunate that I was going 5 mph or less as I hadn't pressed the gas had merely taken my foot off the break it could have been so much worst though, the slow speed is why I wasnt paying much attention in the first place. Oooooh the obscenities I shouted when I realized what happened.

So far I have found out that if things are only as bad as I think they are, It should only take about $20 and some elbow grease to erase the damage I have created to both of our cars. Most importantly hers. A little car polish and car wax, some fine grit sand paper, a damp sponge, dry towel and a lot of effort. Please pray for me that this combination of ingredients works in my favor.

I swear one of these days I am going to realize that you have to be aware 100% of the time when you're driving so I can stop getting in these stupid accidents. I know some of yall are gonna sound off on me or fear riding with em in the future with the new knowledge, and I understand. I would be scared to ride with me sometimes, if I wasnt driving.

The Search continues

and its not as fun as I hoped it would be. Who wouldve known how frickin competitive hunting for a decent place to live in the city could be. Its exciting finding places that are nice but they are ineveitbaly compared to past viewed locations. And though I doubt I will be able to afford a puppy, I no longer want to live some place where people wont tolerate pets. HELLO...Pets are known to prevent suicide amongst their owners, I think renting a place where someone blew their own brains out is alot more difficult than cleaning up any signs of animals. But thats just an opinion of mine. And dont be crazy yall I aint considering suicide.

I think my new hobby, which I fully dont have enough time for is going to the bookstore. I LOVE IT SSSSSOOOO MUCH. I would like the library equally but they never have what I want to read there. I am starting to be able to play tennis more and I am doing really well aprendido espanol. Last noche yo aprendido el parts de body. Come May 9, I am trinaing for the Marine Corps Marathon on October 28. I know its hot as hell in DC over the summer, but thats when I enjoy training cause I will run early in the morning or the evening outdoors when its not as hot, but not freezing cold like it is during the winter time.

My request still stands. Help me practice my Spanish. I am commited. Marathon and Spanish at the same time. Watch Me!

Read the fine print

Doing so can save you alot of grief in your life. While today still doesnt compare to yesterday, it just got a little shittier over my lunch break. Becuase I didnt read the fine print when I consolidated my federal unsubsidized student loans, I am now forced to start paying them back 3 months earlier than I had originally planned. That means there is an additional $146.13 a month MINIMUM that I must now come up with. That is if I want to be making that payment for the next 20.75 years and have paid almost as much in interest as the principal. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! I better make some damn good money from this fucking education. O did I mention that was just on my federal Loan. I still have a minimum payment to make on my Private Loans. I know its too late for me, and I was good about barrowing, but they really do need to have a class about financial planning and the implications connected with barrowing, I am in full support. Either that or we need to convert to a socialist republic so we can all be poor. I am tired of Paul Wall runnin around with a mouth full of diamonds while I might be subjected to eatin Ramen, and others are forced to rummage through garbage.

I am puttin every damn free dollar I can to get this debt out from under me. Any additional money that I make outside of my current salary will go towards paying off these loans. Lottery Win (unlikely) = student loans. Inheritance (Highly Unlikely) = student loans. Become rich old womans Cabana boy (possibility) = the high life. HAHAHA. Debt free living has to be far more exhilarating than a week in St. Tropex! This affirms it; I will be acquiring a second and maybe third job in the near future. Keep your eyes and ears open for night time shifts and dont be surprised if you swing by Domino's and see me making your pizza. I promise I wont include my "secret" topping with yours.

Its amazing

you can just ask for help and He will answer. I was worried that I wouldnt realize his call when it came and it He knew so He made it easy for me. We were rejected again for the apt, we didnt really want it, but the price made it tempting. I asked for direction from God and He gave me a lighted aisle. I am so grateful for this blessing. Rejection sucks, but I can live with it this time.

For those that worried despite me telling you not to, take confidence in the fact that I am much better today. Had my little breakdown and putting the pieces back in place. The advice was great too. Dont know where things are going to go from here, but thats the fun part.

Sad news is that I might have to move out of my grandparents house soon. Living at home is going to suck, mainly cause its not a very healthy environment to be in. But I love my family and I will work through it. I am off to do some work. Later for now

I think its time

to get a journal that I can write things down in. I don't want people to think have secrets that are so deep and dark that they cant be posted on here, but I guess there are somethings I am not ready to publicly vocalize. I have been hesitant in the past because I felt I wasn't committed to the idea of writing in it. I thought it was something that I was supposed to do everyday and I wouldn't. As well there is the stigma of a male writing in a journal; I have dealt with enough questions about my sexuality in the past, I don't need to deal with that.

But I am really sick of this shit right now. I cant afford to go to therapy, so I need to write things down so that I can remember what was going on in my head at the point in time when I can afford it. There are so many issues that I keep bottled up inside it is now starting to affect my personal well being. This morning I woke up and wanting to cry and tired due to the restless night I had. I don't know if writing it down will help, but I think it will and it seriously cant do any harm, so what is there to lose.

Despite efforts to seek guidance from The ONE above, I am fearful I wouldn't hear His response unless it bit me in the face. How do you truly know what His will is and that this is His guidance. I want so bad to connect but don't know how to do it. I fight constantly with my past demons and lack of belief and the person I enjoy of myself and the connection I want to have with God. I don't want to lose the me I have come to love and enjoy, but if I have learned anything momentary pleasures are quickly fleeting and can leave a lifetime of pain in their wake.

Please GOD I am at you mercy. I need your help!

Now that I am sitting here crying at work I need to go and take a breather. Please don't worry out there, I am gettin my shit together, this is just how I am dealing with it. I will feel much better . PROMISE! Life cannot keep me down. It might be a dark day, but the sun does come out tomorrow. (I know its corny, but its really how I feel)

Too Good To Last

forever at least. That whole writing everyday, worked then but it hasnt been needed recently. Hoy el tiempo era muy calor. I got to play tennis for an hour and a half after work. It was great. The guy wasnt much competition but thats not the point of it. My dad said he wanted to talk to me "when I slowed down" this morning, in all its vague weirdness. What the hell am I supposed to take from that?!?!? Applied for an apartment this weekend and its a really great place. I am hoping and even doing a little praying that every thing works out in my favor. Also I have been looking at some decorating ideas and dogs (the place allows pets), this is me using "the secret" to get what I want. You Know What I am Talkin Bout! HAHAHA THE SECRET!!!! HAHA
When do I find the time to do this you ask. Well I did some calculations today and in 8 hours of work I do at most 90 mins of work each day. This give me plenty of valuable time to research topics that I am interested in online. Everything from my tennis game to decorating, and pets.

But I am done for now. Holla back at me.

P.S. alot of good as of lately in mi vida. Hablando espanol by septiembre or octubre.

Please Bow Your Heads

Join me in mourning the death of a friend. This friend of mine had no close family or next of kin. Very few people appreciated him as I did. He fell ill on Saturday shortly before I did, then sat resting all weekend. This morning his final death throws were seen. My iPod has passed onto another world. This is the second one that has died on me, this more tragic than the last, due to its suddeness. How I will survive without my musical companion I am unsure, but I am hoping it can be rehabilitated, but my doubts are vast. Today is a sad day for me

I Beat It

Much to my own surprise I came down with a fever yesterday. This morning my temperature topped out at 102 degrees and had to place an ice pack on my head so my brain didnt boil. It started after workin out yesterday mornin and only got worse as the day went on. I was so happy to finally start sweating you would think I had won the lottery. I am thankful that I was able to break it without medical intervention. I have some speculatory guesses as to the origin of the fever, but will pretend to ignore them for now. I will keep praying that my supreme health continues. Thanks to those out there whom prayed for me.

Its no so hard to write one of these things everyday after all. I will try not to make it a habit though. hahaha

It needs a little work

I have got to work on my relationship with my brother. It is one of the most important things. Today when I couldnt find my camera, the first thought in my head was that he stole it. How horrible is that. I didnt want to accuse him of it so I called to ask if he had seen it. He replied no and calmly so I assumed he was not upset by accusations. I found it ten minutes later after thinking about the places I might have left it.

It Hit Me Tonight

While listening to some music my next pair of tattoos came to me. I dont want to post what they are on here until I actually get them, but in case you are obsessive the song of inspiration is from "The Lion King [Original Cast Recording]" Floetry might have helped as well. Be aware, it will prolly be some time before I can get them since I am trying to save to get an Apt.

Yes, I know this is two days in a row of two postings in one day, more than the past four months combined, but deal. Its just a new me. The reflecting does help

Till Later!

Espanol Diario

A dia, intentio escribir un diario en espanol. Por favor pardon errores y simplicidad, es por mi practica.

A trabaja es una manana lenta. Siento a la computadora haciendo nada. Conduce a trabaja a dia. No, las calles no es mal. En verde voy, en rojo paro. Las mujers es loco y mal condujerons. Perro siento alli, haciendo nada. A noche como mariscos con mi familia. Es una tradicion en viernes a mi abuelos casa. No, no espero por eso. Todo mi familia sientenemos, comimos, reimos. Es Muy Bien. En recibio pais.

Tengo dos billetes for The Roots y Lupe Fiasco concerto. Mi amigo Crystal es va con me. Es en nueve de Marcho a Consitution Hall. Ahora tengo trabaja. Voy debo ir. Hasta Luego.

Most of this was done of my own accord. Some help came from Alta Vista Babel Fish. Feel free to make corrections as needed or comment en espanol. Practice, Practice, Practice. Peace

Why?

Yes I am aware that this is more in one day than the last two months...but certain events of this evening require some grief counseling.

Why is it that I make the same mistakes over and over again. I make a decision that I paid for and promised myself I would never put myself in that situation again. Now here it is almost a year later and I make the same dumb decision which is causing me the same damn grief. I know prayer afterwards wont solve the problem, but I am hoping it will bring me some solice. Breaking bad habits is hard, but I vow tonight that I will work fight myself to make better decisions and work towards living a better life.

Good night all

Sometimes...

O' how I wish that life could be simpler. While I know complexity is beautiful and intriguing, it is also frustrating and tiring. Currently I am living pretty close to the high life; staying with my grandparents for free and eating pretty damn good everyday with the freedom to go and come as I please and no pressure to move out any time soon. Why would any sane person give this up you ask. Well I am sure many of you can atest to the fact that there are no parallels to living on your own. After four years of doing this, its hard to revert to old ways. So as a result of this and some insiting on my part, to my cousin, we are looking for apartments within the city.

For the most part this is an decent situation for me. The only problem is my current financial situation does not allow for me to move in as expditely as she would like. The past few weeks I have been going along for the ride and merely trying to enjoy without worrying about the things I knew were on the horizon. I knew I wouldnt be able to move in before mid-March or April first. I knew that two bathrooms would be much better than one. I knew that I would have bills coming up. Now I feel like I need to insist to my cousin that we wait till later in the year to look for apts or that she will have to look on her own. (Many of you are prolly wondering why this is a problem. Looking later is a problem for her because she believes the longer we wait the more people we are going to have to compete with for places and the more expensive they will be as a result.) Last night I had a conversation with a friend whom essentially told me to grow some balls and tell her that you have to wait. It really is that simple. DAMN! How this situation will settle itself I am not sure, but settle in will in the very near future.

In other news, I have started temping at this place in VA. I make decent pay but the travel to and from work sucks. I have been catching the metro cause it affords me the time to read my book and listen to music without traffic worries, but its expensive and next week I am going to drive to see if it is more cost and time efficient i.e. more desireable. The job, which I hated at first has turned into one that I can tolerate do to its newly acquired simplicty and massive amounts of downtime that allow me to do things such as type this massive note, check my mail every 5 mins, look for dogs I cant have and look at furniture for an apt I cant afford. Jealous arent you. HA!

In other positive news, I spoke wiht my supervisor today for my full time job which I havent started cause I have not received clearance. Told him about the apt hunt and that he might be contacted, told him I was excited to be starting soon, which amazingly wasnt a lie (read: I will make better money and have benifits). He said that he would check on the status of things and make sure the people were doing their job and not stalling.

Tonight, I might be goin to hang with a friend for a few hours. Dont you hate it when their is miscommunication between people and it creates an akwardness that later needs to be explained.

Sorry this thing was so damn long but thats what happens when you only write once a month and your a tad bit on the dramatic side.

P.S. I wish I could stay young forever, I have so much fun being silly. Practicin my Spanish much more now that in the past, still need to figure out when imma run this marathon so I can train for it.

Yea, Its Been A While...

So what else is new?!?! I dont know why I have a problem placing the many thoughts racing through my head into writing on a more frequent basis, but I do find it theraputic to occasionally divulge the details of my life, for consumption to the masses. Here is today's helping.

For the second time this month I was forced to sit at home and wait for some service person to come. Today I was required to arise at 6am and travel to the destination for someone that will come between 730 and 430. Aint that some serious bullshit. Yes, I love my parents and it is selfish to think of how I am "suffering" through this, but I think this is major sacrifice on my behlaf. Since there is no place for me to sleep on a bed or in a chair at this house I pulled out my trusty sleeping bag and proceeded to sleep on the floor in the den; it was like camping but slightly warmer and definetly less fun. I awoke around 1130 to the doorbell hopin it was the service guys, but it was just the damn mailman tellin me some useless information....JOYKILL! Anyway I have spent the last few hours applying for jobs and surfing the internet to pass the time. Doesnt that sound like great inspiration to complete a log.

My iPod is giving me troubles of late which is causing pschological stress. My best friend is slowly dying and there isnt much I can do about it. Why wont these fucking machines last longer, and dont say its cause I use the thing too much.

My goal of running a marathon this year has been temporarily deferred. I still plan on completing it by November, but after a week of driving to the Gym I have grown tired of it and created a multitude of excuses as to why its not so important right now. Those of you know the constant genetic battle that I am fighting and for that reason should know it is a war I will be forced to fight for MANY MANY YEARS to come.

The bright spot of recent is the reemergence of tennis on TV and in my life. Not that I was without purpose before but watching and playing it gives me more immediate goals that I can work towards and I feel more easily control. Not to mention the future Ms. Dominique Lipscomb (a.k.a Serena Williams) is raising eyebrow for the huge, and I do mean huge - Serena I love you but some of that weight gotta go babygirl, kickin my ass and crushin me are two different things. Hopefully she will make into the finals and show the tennis world once again that she is the baddest Biotch on the courts.

Tomorrrow goin out with some peeps from middle school that I havent seen since then. Surprisingly looking forward to it. First time I will be going out to the Bars in DC and the first time I will have gone out since graduation, save new years eve.

Well I guess that is a full helping for now. Look for updates in the future including the possibile addition of a tattoo.

Till Next Time We Speak...Hopefully I will be Gainfully employed by that time!

The End of One Journey....

...which path do I take now. While mentally I know that everything that I have accomplished in the past 17 years comes to a point this weekend, I feel that I have not fully grasped my impending end. Where is the wind gonna blow me from now?

At the beginning of my collegiate career I would not have said this, but now I can firmly say that I have been so blessed in the opportunities I have had, the people I have met and befriended, and the life I have been allowed to lead. Canoeing in Utah, Spring Break in Branson, Nights that are rembered because they arent remembered, summer in South Carolina, made and broken friendships, encounters of the night, and pictures worth way more than 1,000 words. It is now sad that I have to package the last 4 years of my life and shove it in the back of a car, discarding what doesnt fit, and move it cross country.

I have no problem crying over a Disney movie, but I cant muster the strength to shed a tear for this momentus occasion. This wouldnt be so bad if I didnt have a nagging fear I would never get to see some of these people again.Yes we can talk to each other online or the phone but it will never compare to hanging out.

There is so much for me to do over the next 2 days. Family comes in town for the first time in 4 years tonight and I will need to provide entertainment as well as perform my normal duties and say my goodbyes.

For now I will move on, but guarantee that my new found time will be used to constantly update people on my mental state, if for nobodys well being but my own.

Peace for now.

A Change this way comes...

for I am goin to make more of an effort to release my thoughts of the day on this. Yes I know this is the second time this year...wait, semester....I have made this commitment, and knowing me it prolly wont be the last. But alot does take place in my life and I really do need to get it out. For those of you who know me some of the information I put in here might not be on par with what you wish to read, but feel free to comment or censor as needed.

And so we get started

Today evidence arose to my attention that I am not quite over a certain crush I used to have. Though her current relationship status and location would make a deeper relationship with the two of impossible, it doesnt stop my mind from manufacturing it. While I will admit some of these manifestations are based purely on physical satisfaction, there are bigger things burried in there as well. Part of me wishes that we could actually have tried a relationship together, the other part knows what happened was for the best.

Dont know what the next chapter of my life is goin to bring but it is approaching ever so qucikly. With about two weeks to go to graduation and so many things that need to be done between now and then, its gonna be hectic. Not to mention all the friends that I will be forced to leave behind because I am moving 1100 miles from them.

Hopefully there is something positive in the stars for me. till then I am gonna drift through space and time.

Has it really been that damn long????

I got my first taste of the real world yesterday as I was suddenly motivated to start looking for and applying to jobs. applied to two with the USTA, thats the United States Tennis Association for those of you out there that dont know. One is an internship and one is a real job, either one would be nice, especially if I can meet Serena in the process. Even if I dont get to meet her during this job, maybe I can build a career from it and meet her someday before she leave the tennis community behind.

I know why college degrees used to be so valued and still hold good value in today's society, they like to make it as hard as possible for you to graduate without a little frustration. When I get that final ok, from my college you can bet that I will be celebrating big time, that doesnt mean I am gonna "get soooo wasted", it means that I will go out eat some good food, have a good drink and play tennis for a few hours, even if its indoors.

I am really missing you guys out there who have left me or or whom I have left in hopes of pursuing our dreams in life, hoopefully our paths will cross again someday and it will be like no time has passed. I want to travel alot when I graduate so if you dont care about worldly possesions or financial stability, drop your burdens and come travel with me. Dont make me do it alone!

Has faith found a place in my life, not quite sure, but I do know that I am alot more thankful these days for the little blessings that come my way, divine intervention or not!

Peace out everyone, dont be afraid to drop me a line, especially if you can point me in the direction of an intelligent, adventerous, humorus young lady of any color.