The End of One Journey....

...which path do I take now. While mentally I know that everything that I have accomplished in the past 17 years comes to a point this weekend, I feel that I have not fully grasped my impending end. Where is the wind gonna blow me from now?

At the beginning of my collegiate career I would not have said this, but now I can firmly say that I have been so blessed in the opportunities I have had, the people I have met and befriended, and the life I have been allowed to lead. Canoeing in Utah, Spring Break in Branson, Nights that are rembered because they arent remembered, summer in South Carolina, made and broken friendships, encounters of the night, and pictures worth way more than 1,000 words. It is now sad that I have to package the last 4 years of my life and shove it in the back of a car, discarding what doesnt fit, and move it cross country.

I have no problem crying over a Disney movie, but I cant muster the strength to shed a tear for this momentus occasion. This wouldnt be so bad if I didnt have a nagging fear I would never get to see some of these people again.Yes we can talk to each other online or the phone but it will never compare to hanging out.

There is so much for me to do over the next 2 days. Family comes in town for the first time in 4 years tonight and I will need to provide entertainment as well as perform my normal duties and say my goodbyes.

For now I will move on, but guarantee that my new found time will be used to constantly update people on my mental state, if for nobodys well being but my own.

Peace for now.

A Change this way comes...

for I am goin to make more of an effort to release my thoughts of the day on this. Yes I know this is the second time this year...wait, semester....I have made this commitment, and knowing me it prolly wont be the last. But alot does take place in my life and I really do need to get it out. For those of you who know me some of the information I put in here might not be on par with what you wish to read, but feel free to comment or censor as needed.

And so we get started

Today evidence arose to my attention that I am not quite over a certain crush I used to have. Though her current relationship status and location would make a deeper relationship with the two of impossible, it doesnt stop my mind from manufacturing it. While I will admit some of these manifestations are based purely on physical satisfaction, there are bigger things burried in there as well. Part of me wishes that we could actually have tried a relationship together, the other part knows what happened was for the best.

Dont know what the next chapter of my life is goin to bring but it is approaching ever so qucikly. With about two weeks to go to graduation and so many things that need to be done between now and then, its gonna be hectic. Not to mention all the friends that I will be forced to leave behind because I am moving 1100 miles from them.

Hopefully there is something positive in the stars for me. till then I am gonna drift through space and time.