Xanga....

...saving people from themselves for over 5 years.

I write this knowing if I don't I will do something I might regret later. I have so often guarded myself from real emotional relationships for fear that it would complicate things and eventually end with hurt. As a result I have only been in one "real" relationship in my entire life. Sophomore year of college I allowed myself to open up a little to someone and it sucked. There wasn't alot of pain in the disintegration of the relationship, but it did complicate life for awhile and it sucked. Maybe I was too guarded back then, I don't know.

Today I find myself in a similar situation. I have met someone that I am interested in really getting to know. Someone that I can see myself investing serious time in and it scares me. For the past two days they are all I can think about. Is it ok to call/text? should I wait? am I being annoying? Will being passive send the wrong message and cause me to miss the one chance I might have had? Its weird also cause its a part of me that I don't show others ever. What if the feelings are mutual? Can I be a positive force in a relationship and not drive someone away with obnoxious nitpicking and sarcasm.

On another note.... in the middle of this blog, I received a phone call. I am getting a new job bitches; I am free of this damn hell hole. 12/10 is the date! Better start saving them pennies so that I can afford to live. I better get on the grind in getting a second job. These bills ain't gonna pay themselves. This should help me think about something different for awhile.