I Can See the Otherside

From the outside looking in, it is so hard to understand what other people are going through. Due to our higher cerebral activity, understanding and interpreting people is extremely difficult with whole branches of science dedicated to it. The irony is that it's our own innate curiosity that adds to our need to understand each other.

It is this very complexity that leads to my frustrations with people's, but much more specifically my parents, inability to lose weight. I am not asking them to lose a lot of weight immediately, but any forwards progress would be great. Till this week, I just couldn't understand why someone would willingly subject their body to the torture of carrying around excess pounds, especially at an age when the body is already breaking down without the added pressures.

It wasn't until today I could see into the world of trying to lose weight. I have never had to diet, or watch what I eat unless I was watching it disappear as I shoved it down; this week, however, I have decided to "purify" and prepare my body for the physical undertaking of this weekend (AKA the Marines Corps Marathon). Part of this purification and preparation process is to eat little to no fat (goodbye french fries, fast food, and hot dogs), processed or simple sugars (goodbye cookies and bite-size candy bars) while consuming complex carbs for energy (can you say pasta and rice, cause by now I can say it in ten different languages) and mass amounts of water to remain hydrated ("the urinal is my friend").

Why is this difficult? Well "His Fatness" likes being just that (all credit to thee who named me; your pretty good at it)! On top of the restrictive diet I have placed upon myself, I am not running so as to avoid injury or premature fatigue during race day and as a result am eating less so that I don't gain weight. AND THATS where the problem starts! Not eating makes me EXTREMLY cranky, frustrated and irritable. Only by going through this can I now sympathize to some degree with the pains people must go through to lose weight and fit a body image that is inconsiderately cast upon them by society. I LITERALY FEEL YOUR PAIN!

This of course brings up more issues with weight and food that I clearly have, but I will save that for another time cause I am trying not to all make this entry about me.

[Yesterday] Was a good day...

..Woke up in the morning, gotta thank God. Dont know why but yesterday felt odd. No walking of a dog, no running, and time to fix breakfast before I left for work. The weather was nice and I didnt have to worry about coming to work with huge pit stains. Stuff was slow on the job, which gave me time to do somethings that I wanted to do as well as prepare somewhat for the ordeal I am about to undertake.

Went to the MLK Jr. Library to renew a book and some other things, but the "system" was down and they couldnt help me do anything.
"Do you have any idea when the system might be back up?" "We didn't even know it was going down today"...(wait did she really just say that, she couldnt have said that)..."um...ok, thanks."

Despite this minor setback, I moved forward with the gooddayness. Spent sometime outdoors during lunch reading about the "The Dark-Side of The All American Meal" courtsey of Fast Food Naton. Despite not much sun the weather was great, the breeze was warm and it was nice to be out of the office filling my mind instead of my stomach for a change.

After my self-approved extended lunch break, I returned to work and actually did some. Nothing brings you back from the lofty perches you might have been on like the mundane process of sending more people back to the third world nations they fled. Onward the afternoon went with nothing truly exciting to speak of, but I did get a chance to practice some spanish and read up on some tennis. All was not last

Early in the afternoon I received a phone call that would proceed to brighten my day. Through the long process of interviewing and waiting and fretting I wasnt sure that I would actually get the job. Well, I kinda did. A tentative offer was extended to me as a Management Analyst G-5 within the GAO. FLIPPIN great opportunity. It is part of a graduated program that guarantees excellerated advancement with satisfactory performance. While the starting salary may be less than what I am making now, in six months to a year I will be making more for sure.

Great weather continued into the night and I was in the mood to make Hamburger Helper in the crockpot. That wasnt dinner though. Dinner was a carb-loaded bowl of pasta with some broccoli that I spilled half of on the living floor; what was left was good though. While fiddling around in the kitchen cleaning, (yes I am a little nuerotic about it, but I live with a slob) I found some mail for me that the Princess had failed to set aside. What is this.... A CHECK! YAY, money! $99.85 to be exact. Tax refund for textbooks from school. This means I can pay for my passport and start my globe trotting. Lookout world, here I come.

Said my prayers of thanks for the help I received. It was a good day.

Smokey Robinson Did "Black" Justice...

I love being black
I love being called black
I love being an American
I love being a Black American
but as a black man in this country I think its a shame
that every few years we get a change of name
since those first ships arrived here from Africa
that came across the sea
there were already black men in country who were free

As for those who came over on those terrible boats
they were called Nigger and Slave
and told what to do and how to behave
and the Masta started trippin'
doin his late night tippin'
down through the slave shacks
where he forced great great great grandma and he to be together
and if great great great grandpa protested, he got tarred and feathered
and at the same time, the black men in the country that were free
were meetin' with the tribes like the Apache and Cherokee
and as a result of all that
we are a parade of every shade
and at this late day and age you can be sure
ain't to many of us in this country whose bloodline is pure

But according to a geological, geographical, geneology study published in Time Magazine
the Black African people were the first on the scene
so for what its worth the Black African people were the first on earth
and through migration our characteristics started to change and rearrange
to whatever climate we migrated to
and this how I became me and you became you
so if we gonna go back,lets go all the way back
and if Adam was black and Eve was black
that kinda makes it a natural factt
hat everybody in America is an African American
everybody in Europe is an African European
everybody in the Orient is an African Asian
and so on and so on

That is, if the origin of man is what we gonna go on
and if one drop of black blood act like they say,
then everybody's black anyway
so quit tryin to change my identityi'm already who i was meant to be
i'm a black american born and raised
and brother james brown wrote a wonderful phrase
"Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud, Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud"
cause I'm proud to be Black and I ain't NEVER lived in Africa

'Cause my great great granddaddy on my daddies side from there
don't mean I wanna go back
now I have nothing against there
its where some of the most beautiful places and people world in the world are found
but I been blessed to go alot of places in this world,and if you asked me where I choose to liveI pick America, hands down

Now bye and bye we were called Negroes
and after a while that name was banished
anyway negro is just how you say black in Spanish
then we were called Colored
everybody is one color or another
and I think its a shame we hold that against each other
and it seems we reverted back to a time when being called black was an insult
even if another black man said it a fight would result
we were so brain washed that black was wrong
that even the Yellow Niggas and the Black Niggas couldn't get along

But then came the 1960's
when we struggled and diedto be called equal and Black
when we walked with pride
with our heads held high and our shoulder pushed back
and Black was beautiful
but I guess that wasn't good enough
cause now here they come with some other stuff

Who comes up with this shit anyway?
was it one or just a group of niggas sittin around one day?
gettin a little insecure again about being called black
and decided that African American sounded a little more exotic
well I think you were bein a little more neurotic
its that same mentality that got Amos and Andy put off the air
cause they were embarrassed about the way the character spoke
and as a result of that action alot of wonderful black actors ended up broke
when we were just laughin and havin fun about ourselves
so I say FUCK YOU if you cant take a joke
you didn't see the Beverley Hillbillies been protested by White folks
and if you think that of course you think being called African American would put all Black peoples minds at ease
since we affectionately call each other Nigga
I affectionately say to you Nigga Please!

How come I didn't get a chance to vote on who I would like to be
who gave you the right to make that decision for me
I ain't under your rule or under your dominion
and I am entitled to my own opinion
now there are some African Americans here
but they recently moved here from places likeKenya, Ethiopia, Zambia, Zimbabwe and Zaire
but not a brother who's family has lived here for generations
occupyin space in all the locations
New York, Miami, LA, Detroit, Chicago
even if he is wearin a Dashiki and sporting an Afro

And if in search of your race you'll find out quick
you're not an African American you're just a Black American in Africa takin' up space
why beat yourself up get a chance to go and you went
most people there wouldn't even claim you as one of them
as a purebred daughter or son of them
your heritage is right here now no matter how no matter what you call yourself or what you sayand alot of people died to make it that way
And if you think America is a leader on inequality and sufferin and grievin
how come there are so many people comin and so few leavin
rather than all this fine folk with America shit you promotin
if you wanna change somethin
use your privilege, get to the polls, commit to votin
God knows we have earned the right to be called American Americans
and rather than you movin forward progress
you dwellin in the past
we struggled to long and come to far

So to the folks who know who we were
lets be proud of who we are
we the only people who's name is always a trend
when is this shit gonna end?
look at all the different colors of our skin
black is not our color its our core
its what we been livin, and fightin and diein for
but if you choose to be called African American
and thats your preference
then I give you that reference
but I know on this issue I don't stand alone on my own
and if I can
let me be me
and I'd appreciate it
when you see me
there goes a man that says it loud

I'm black, I'm a Black American and I'm proud
cause I love bein' an American
and I love bein' Black
I love bein called Black
yeah I said it
and I don't take it back

This is a poem by Smokey Robinson, and I am so happy we found each other. Amongst the clutter of smut and stupid jokes my father routinely sends me, was this little gem. Its a six minute sound clip that Donnie Simpson played on his show, and it hit home so I felt the need to write it down for future reflection. I know there are parts of it that are controversial, but dont all great thoughts have some hint of controversy. Let me know your thoughts and how you feel on the issue.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN...

Much like the cheesy song from the 80's and rehashed for one of those karaoke competition shows, my final countdown has begun. Less than a week from now I will embark upon a journey that will hopefully end in my succeding in fufilling a monumental goal of mine. Sunday, October 28, 2007 at 8am sharp is the start of the Marines Corps Marathon and the culmination of months of training, whining, flat out indifference. By 12pm on that fall, (at least thats what I hope the weather will be like) day I will know how prepared I truly was.

As a result this week will be a mixed bag of emotions; there will be excitement and anxiety, fear and loathing, anticipation and despair. Come Sunday night, aside from the pain in my legs and various other parts of my body, I am sure that mentally I will feel nothing but pride. Any regrets that I might have had in registering for this mental and physical torture, will be vanquished in under 4 hours (hopefully).

Monday is my last day of self-indulgence prior to the race and then the cleansing and preparation begins. Look out for the email with info on how you can come out and support me.

The Modern Day Argonaut

Par for the course with me, an article shared with me by a friend has inspired me to write. The article from the NY Times was an opinion article about a change that has taken place in the average Americans life cycle. The addition of a period called the Odyssey. During this newly coined period of our lives, after college and before "settling down", we are apparently a generation of wanderers. We refuse to settle for something we arent sure we even want.

I, personally, am proud to be entering this period in my life; I have goals that I want to achieve and none of them include permanence of any kind.

And The Money Kept Rolling In...

What a great week it has been for money. As most of you prolly know I picked up a side gig as a dog-sitter to make some money for being social and making life a little more interesting. This was back in the end of August; September passed with not a hint of a job coming my way. The problem was that the company is based in VA and is just moving into DC, so its client base in the city is very limited. This was depressing and hard cause I felt like it was a waste of my time, I could have got a job that was gonna actually get me some money.

Finally, patience paid off and I was awarded with two new customers and a visit with a client in need. Translation: Overnight pet-sit for a chow Fri and Sat, AM & PM walks for a Pointer Sat and Sun, AM & PM walks for a pup = over $150 in revenue. THANK YOU JESUS! This money will be spent to pay off a stupid red-light ticket and decrease some credit card debt. May the jobs keep coming.

On A Side Note: Its been over 10 days since I last ran, a horrible statistic with the marathon only a week away. The next two weeks will require some serious cracking down in order to make sure I can finish this marathon. I have faith that God will see me through it in good health, but I need to do my part. I need your support people. Look for the race route and info in a future post so that you can come out and cheer. Best believe there will be an entire post on it!Peace

How Beautiful [it] can be...

Love is an emotion so deep someone thought it necessary to create other words just to express its varying degrees. Love and its degrees do not limit themselves to people and right now enamored is the most accurate degree for the connection I feel with Blogging. My blog may not be critically acclaimed or widely viewed but those things aren't important to me. It is my time capsule and spaceship. It allows me to simultaneously escape the moment and store it away to be discovered in times not yet arrived.

If only I had stumbled upon this earlier, in life. So often when I was younger I was resistant to "journaling" cause of society's stigma that journaling was for girls or women; insecure with my own masculinity (who doesn't struggle with image as a teenager?) I would not allow myself to do what seems second nature to me. It's like what Common talks about on "Love Is":...as men we were taught to hold it in/ that's why we don't know how till we're older menThank God I am becoming an older man...

Shadowlife

Not long can life be lived in the shadows before it is exposed by the light. All of life's secrets have a way of revealing themselves, most often it is at the least opportune moment. Is there such a thing as an opportune moment for a secret to be revealed?

We all have secrets the dark secrets we hold so close to our chests, so destructive are they to the image we have constructed to the world. While Senator Larry Craig has his unwillingly revealed in a Minnesota airport bathroom, Marion Jones decided to take the high road and willing bare her's to the world in a "dignified" manor. TV soaps are constructed on the drama created behind secrets kept or revealed and gossip mags make their fortunes speculating on the secrets of the rich and "famous."

Who amongst could be ensarled by the ravenous mob under that lusts for constant fulfillment of pain, drama, and degredation yet escape unscathed. Perhaps its time we reflect on what we would want should we have a similar secret and grant peace to these "innocent" souls. I wish there fate upon only my most despised enemies.

A Much Needed Excursion

This weekend was a great weekend, while I believe the Holiday in and of itself is stupid, I am all for a reason to be out of work. Took the extended weekend, made it a little longer and decided to go visit a best friend and the rest of my adopted family. Duluth,MN was my final destination and I knew fun times were to follow. As usual when I travel I got limited sleep prior to my departure and then hopped into a cab @ 430am placing my life in the hands of a cab driver.
I now apologize to everyone that had to sit in a car while I was at the wheel in my early driving career. I know it was 430 and there was no one on the road, but it was not necessary to go 50 miles an hour down 23rd St.
Happy to have arrived safely at the airport 20 mins later the check in process goes smoothly, that is aside from the stupid liquid gel rule that I had forgotten about. Goodbye hair gel and lotion, hello dry skin and scalp! The flights were great and there were no delay along the way. Duluth welcomed me with no interference, right on time.

The trip, was to be a surprise for the friend on the mend, but I had managed to unintentionally spill the beans the day before. "The unveiling" of "the specialness" as I had come to be known was less climatic than I hoped but the welcome was warm nonetheless. This was not to be a weekend of constant debauchery such as ones gone past, but a weekend of kinship and brotherhood. For this trip sober nights would be far more memorable than drunk ones.

Not wanting to dissapoint, Duluth presented me with its best face, another cold rainy weekend. Four times I have been to this City of The North and only once has the weather been hospitable. This weekend the wind-whipped from the east across the river covering the city in a perputual heavy fog that was thick enough to cut with a knife. Weather didnt keep us down. Movies and football were watched, people were made fun of, scrabble was played and food was eaten quantities that I long forgot that I was capable of indulging myself.

Monday arrived and alas it was time for me to depart. I said my farewells till the next time our paths would cross. Promises were made to try and make my way back before the end of the year. Little did I know my adventure was truly just beginning. What followed would make for a very long trip home.

Two words: Mechanical Problem. 3.5 extra hours in a plane at the gate. All connections to the DC AREA missed. $31 in food vouchers, $39 in hotel voucher. Extra day of trip. 3.5 hours of sleep. 630am flight. 8am arrival. 9 Hour work day. Journey Finished.

Would do it all over again despite the difficulties. Time has come for me to sleep and enjoy it I will....more thoughts to come. Peace

A second Taste of Freedom...

...5 years and 5 months ago I had my first taste of true freedom. A recent graduate of High School I was departing the home I had known and, at times, loved for the majority of my young life. My head was full of the possibilities that the road ahead would present to me. I did know that the 1000+ miles distance between my parents and I would mean I would no longer have to answer to anyone but me. That summer was one of the greatest that I had ever experienced and the years that followed I wouldnt trade for anything. After running for so many years and absorbing all the "freedom" that I could, I was ready to come home and be around the family, sure that I was aptly prepared for anything that they could throw at me. There was no way they could hold me back now.

...or so I thought. I arrived home at one of the most tumultous times for my family. Prince Half Baked was well on his was to being a royal jackass and this close to being thrown out. The inevitable happened on June 29 and out of love for my brother I did the only thing I could think of. I welcomed him into my house with a couple conditions and a deadline. The very jesture I hoped would be accepted as a symbol of peace in my relationship brother instead became a jesture with different symbolism to me. What followed was four months of absolute torture; I was a POW in my own house. It became so bad that all I could do was anticipate the day of my release. A countdown was started and prayers were said.

The deadline has arrived, Emancipation Day is here. "Take these shackles off my feet so I can dance" The future is bright once again, and I have to worry about no one but me. The freedom I had lost tastes much sweeter this second time around.

My (Un)Healthy Obsession

Hi my name is Dominique and I have an obsession... ::insert your support group welcome here::but I know I am not alone. I have come to the harsh reality that my obsession is an unhealthy one. Drawing the conclusion that my obsession is unhealthy seems completely unnecessary. The statement in and of itself is oxymoronic. How can an obsession be healthy? It is defined as "to think about something unceasingly or persistently". If something is ultimately consuming it cant be to conducive to a healthy state of being.

So what is my obsession? Weight. I am not a 600 lbs. morbidly obese man or 86 lbs. bhelemic/ annorexic woman, but I have issues that need some confronting. I constantly struggle with the (somewhat) irrational fear that I will end up as the former. I am entrenched in a genetic battle. Much like the 100 Years' War that entrapped France and England during the middle ages, this battle is constant and never ending. Periods of inner peace are followed by stretches of turmoil and unrest.

I know my obsession is at least partly grounded, as so many things are, in my upbringing. Like most people in pop-culture, my family looks down upon overweight and obese (FAT!) people. We spend countless hours poking fun at and laughing about how FAT people are whenever we are together. The ironic thing however is that that the forebearers in my family are far from the image standards we hold everyone else to. There are many contributing factors to their losses in the battle against weight gain; my mom like to credit the two "big head boys" and menopause for ravaging her slim figure, while my dad points the finger at a bad back and two bad knees. The truth is the two have carried on sorid affairs with Ms. Eneethang Sweet and Mr. Lotza Szalt adding to the inevitable affects of aging and a slowing metabolic rate.

I see myself in my father and grandfather, an athletic man in his "prime" with the ability to eat recklessly and abundantly with little regard for calorie counts and trans fats quantities with few foreseable present reprocussions. But post prime, when this fine tuned machine I was given by God starts to wear down, the battle is an uphill one comparable to climbing Mt. Everest in a blizzard. My obsession comes from not wanting to take the same path my parents have chosen while at the same time trying to help them reverse the damage.

Not only does my obsession with weight force me to ponder on it incessantly. But it imbues a sense of yearning within me to intake programing pertaining to overweight people and a nation of overconsumers. Yes its gross to see a 1000 lb. man have to be airlifted out of his place because he cant walk down the stairs, but it is also what I need to see, so I dont end up like him.

In the end I will continue to wage the war against my genes, with the hopes of eating healthier in smaller quantities, but I dont know what my future holds.

At an Impasse

Why am I not inspired to write? With so many things going on in my life, are none of them worth of forever in cyberspace. I have attempted everyday this week to write something down, but only to end up frustrated (a topic I thought about) or standing still (thought about that one too). I want so badly to have my thoughts flow from my brain through the key board, but I cant get the words right. Balancing life, thought about it....Inspiring Yet Disgusting, yeah it crossed my mind too. Flow dammit, flow. Would it be wrong to blog about a blog, or opine on an opinion? Would reading more and focusing less on the meaningless TV shows allow my mind to open like a fireplug on a July day in Harlem? I will not allow my mind to be turned into putty.

Time Gone By

I know its been a while since I been on here, a little over a month to be slightly more precise. For the most part all has gone well over the past month or at least things haven't changed for the worst. I am still grossly unsatisfied with my with my job, my brother is still living with me and being a pain in my ass and I am still training for the marathon. While I am sure something worthy of writing has occurred in the past month, my life often seem to be repetitive to me and that is something I desire my writing not to be; honestly how many times can I say my brother is 18 going on 12.

There is light at the end of the tunnel though. My brothers tenure here is coming to an end. I have acquired a pet time job to supplement my income and there is a possibility I might be acquiring a job with some career possibilities and greater riches.This isnt a very substantial journal, but comparatively it is a feast of information. My eyelids have grown heavy so it is time I retire. A more concerted effort will be made to update more often. Look for the novel in coming months.

I Do Care...

....O' Brother I can't, I can't get through/
I've been trying hard to reach you [but] I don't know what to do/
O' Brother I can't believe it's true/
I'm so scared [for your] future and I want to talk to you/
O' I want to talk to you/...
Are you lost or incomplete?/
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how you feel/
I feel like [I'm] talking in a language [you] dont speak/
And [I'm] talking it to [you]/...
So you don't know where you're goin, [but don't] wanna talk/
[I] feel like you're going where you've been before/
Anyone will listen, but you feel ignored/
[If] nothing's really making any sense at all/
Let's Talk
Let's Talk
Let's talk
[Please talk......]

The Return of the King?!?!?!....

...More like Prince Half-Baked. The kingdom of Obliviana had been quiet as of late with its royal constituency on sojourns to distant nations, Princess Peapod in Mississippi for two weeks on business and Prince Half-Baked out living up to his name sake. Dissappointed that he would not be able to enjoy solitude during the Princess' absence, Obliviana's lone pragmatic citizen was enjoying the calm, for he knew he sensed in his bones this was "the quiet before the storm."

Obliviana's prodigal son, Prince Half-Baked is worst than the fabled "cat that came back"; you think he is a goner, but... ("the cat came back the very next day") he always returns with his destruction and devistation closely in-tow. His latest return was as unwelcome as usual, no parades, no parties, not even a welcoming comittee. The weekend was upon Obliviana and the rest of the outlying world and people everywhere were just trying to unwind, sans beleagurement.

Astoundingly two days past without so much as an errant breath; could things really be looking up in Obliviana? Was Prince Half-Baked finally steping down from his self-ascended thrown? Surely this was all too good to be true, Prince Half-Baked never stayed anywhere for this long without causing a fuss. The day would not pass before the upheaval.

As evning set in Prince Half Baked's girlfriend of present Horseface Killah cameover for "dinner and a movie", but not on my damn TV. The two lovers were resigned to the small remote corner of the "land" to which he "controlled". Night set in and surely Horseface had a stable of her own to return to, surely her keepers would worry if she stayed the night. I ascended the stairs without so much as a peep to the two hoping a sound decision would be made by one of the two and she would not be in my home come the morning.

WHAT A FOOL AM I!!! Prince HB and Horseface decided to shack-up for the night in my GODDAMN HOUSE. This was an official "go" sign to be obnoxious. I clanked every loud thing we had in the house and turned on every bright light there was in an effort to rouse them from their slumber. Much to my delight my plan was successful and the two were unable to rest peacefully. I departed the kingdom for work, plotting my revenge on the Prince. 75 minutes post my departure I get a call from the Prince:
"hello?"
"yeah, can you come let me in? I forgot my keys inside on my dresser."
"you SOL yo! I'm already at work."
"o, ok"

...did you really leave the front door to our apt unlocked? If I come home and my shit is missing I will beat you within an inch of your life and then call the cops on you. I am gonna pray on your behalf yo...

Two fuck ups in less than 24 hours, you are really tryin to be exiled from the home. Unlike Princess Peapod, you my dear sir are not entitled to this kingdom. You are a visitor to this land, begrudgingly welcomed to help you gather yourself. I know most things logical do not occur to you, If they did you wouldn't be you. But when will you wake up?

The keys to the kingdom will be revoked tonight. I warned Princess Peapod before she handed them over that you could not be trusted. This isnt a vacation, living with us is supposed to suck, its the only way you will want to leave. Cuarenta y nueva dias! El puerto no esta lejos de aqui!

Am I Getting Too Old....

...for this????? This weekend was a throwback to my college days with a twist. Two nights of drinking heavier than needed, but not with a bunch of kids my age unwinding from classes and exams.

Kicked off the weekend with coworkers having a happy hour/going away party. Lots of free food, and some not so free alcohol. Started at 430pm and did a good job of pacing myself on the insipid liquid consumption limiting myself to only 3.5 beers. Problem was they were 20 oz. beers and 2 of them were dark (read: high alcohol content for you non-beer drinkers). By 915pm when I left I had a pretty good buzz goin on, but I couldn't hold a candle to what some of my coworkers were feeling. It's great to see that even your supervisors and older colleagues know how to unwind a little and have a good time. Go home, watch some TV, crash shortly after.

Saturday, you know the routine by now. Early morning rise because I have to run. The heat, humidity and sun were a brutal combo. Picked up my car and then it was off to see the parents. Free food as usual (they know how to get me to come visit) and some help with a few things in the process. Saturday night pre-party at my place (3 beers) and then off to the kickball house party. Yes it was an actual house party. For adults. Who weren't in college. Free beer, even though it was Miller Lite I indulged myself. I played drinking games that I had not participated in since junior year. Did a little drunk dancing, thats my MO. Then went with a crew to Ben's Chili Bowl. I LOVE CHILI CHEESE FRIES!!!

Sunday I paid for my action of the night before. HANGOVER! I blame the cheap beer. More free food with the 'rents and lots and lots and lots of sleeping off my hangover. I think I am getting too old for all this. Drinking two nights in a row is too much, especially when it was clearly more than I needed to both nights. Gonna get my act together. Jumbo Slice and Ben's are gonna be my undoing over the next two years.

Mini Vacation in SC starting Friday. Something good has gotta come out of that. Hopefully I can add a little more pigment to my skin. Maybe spark something up with an old fling, or mak a new one. Hahaha...we shall see. Stay tuned world, stay tuned.

Public Forum Does Not Equal Public Opinion

Contrary to the beliefs of some, a conversation held in a public forum is not an open invitation for public opinion. We all know the kamakaze opiners of whom I speak; they are instant miasmata to any good conversation. We find them lurking in both crowded and not so crowded subway cars, food courts around the world and ::gasp:: even on the job; these opiners can be the worst. Embolded by their psuedo familiarity with you and your fellow conversationalist, they have no qualms on adding unrequisited feedback. Why do people feel entitled provide input when none was garnered to begin with. Sir, it is great that you think Jim Carey was funnier in The Mask than Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, but I dont give two flying apeshits cause we were talking about Bruce Almighty! "You shouldnt make fun of people's virginty, it is their right." You know that is very true, too bad we weren't making fun of virgins; we were talking about the nicknames of High Schools nosy hoebag. Be careful when deciding to do your own, conversation tourism, one day someone like me just might snap and knock the shit out of you for it. Just because we are talking in public doesnt mean the public is welcome.

Revolution or Reform...

...are we ready? Can we handle it? What will it take to affect change? A generation of complacent, self absorbed, apathetic drones has been created due to the incessant consumption of mindless fodder all but force fed to us by media conglomerates like Viacom (read: MTV, BET, VH1, E!). We have lost touch of what reality truly is thanks to "reality TV". We spend hours and million$ obsessing over , and attempting to replicate "celebrity", because the media tells us being normal is not good enough. In a time when, more than ever, information is so readily available to all why do so many choose to remain ignorant. Does my mind deceive me? Is my perception we, as a society, are standing still? Or could it be that we are taking steps backward? We are taught in school about the struggles and triumphs of the past but do we actually learn from them? Do we truly grasp the significance of the Montgomery Bus Boycott, or the Declaration of Independence? If we do, how come we sit idlely while the government constantly misleads the public on crucial issues, excercises its own version of jurisprudence and openly ignores the plight of our countries poor, sick and suffering? I cannot speak on what it looks like in other countries, but I know first hand that the United States, is far from the glorious society of which it is so often depicted/portrayed.

I liken this country to aging empires of old. To my knowledge, change within an aging empire was brought about in one of two ways: Revolution or Reform. Will we go the way of the French with the blood of the poor, oppressed and forgotten filling the streets as they die for equality and acknowledgement? Will we collapse upon ourselves as the decadent and ostentatious behavior grow out of control like the late Romans? The Mayans, The Incas, The Ottomans, The Smuritans, The Britsh, have come and gone yet we learn not from the lessons of history. I myself am torn as to how I would like to see change brought about in our country. There is something that is so enticing about the passion invested in a violent revolution. There is no doubt of the significance when someone is willing to sacrafice their very existence for the betterment of themsleves and others. A peaceful resolution would speak volumes about our social evolution and set an example for future generations. It would provide hope for nations around the world embattled with similar issues. Collapse would be humbling as a nation but only further distance the "haves" from the "have-nots".

Though better than some, I am far from a model citizen of our generation. The work I complete to affect change on a global scale wouldnt make a ripple in a rain drop. We must get up and do something. Change healthcare, environmental regulation, education and defense as a start. A slow start is better than no start at all! Viva La Revolucion! IT WILL BE TELIVISED, WILL YOU FIND THE RIGHT CHANNEL!?!

Get Informed

A Goal Differed...

...but not forgotten. At the beginning of the year I set two goals for myself: run a marathon (hopefully better than Lance Armstrong) and get better at my Spanish. I am well on my way to achieving the first goal with my registration for the Marine Corps Marathon at the end of October and the training that I have been doing. For the second goal I attacked it head on, studying like my future existence was dependent upon me mastering this skill set by the end of the year. Lately however it has become a sidelined by other ambitions, a goal that is only reflected upon when it is convenient. Gosh darn my undiagnosed A.D.D Though my Spanish is better now than it was when I started, its not where it should/ could be if I had stuck to my guns and actually kept working on it post April 1st. Its time to recommit. Imma do it yall.

Did I Really?...

..Yes, I am pretty sure I did. I just had a nightmare about college. More than 6 months from the rigors of college courses and I am still fully capable of fretting over my performance. The nightmare is emblazoned quite vividly in my brain, and even now 5 hours later I can still remember the tiniest details from within....

I find myself in the dorm room I called home for the last 6 months of me collegiate career. Enjoying the last few days of my academic experience, I am taking a nap prior to post finals party. I am aroused from my peaceful slumber by the horrid thought that I might have missed an exam. How could I have been so stupid?!? I rocket from my comfortable double futon and rush to find my finals exam schedule. I find it and stare blankly at it trying hard to interpret what appears to aramaic to my still foggy brain. After several minutes of scanning the paper, including at least one where I was sure I had missed a final that would result in my failure and requisite non-graduation,

...My subconscious brain clicked on and I realized that I was trapped in a world of my own making. I had already graduated and I was just knocked out from a long weekend of self inflicted body abuse. No more dreams like that one please, I am through with my days of stress induced by excessive studying and not enough socializing.

Saturday Is Alright For....

...just about anything. While Saturdays have generally been pretty good over the past couple weeks, with each passing one I cant wait for the arrival of the next. Saturday's for me usually mean up early (630, 7ish) to do my long run, then some relaxing or tennis before running off to visit the family and see what food I can scoop up in the process. With the eviction of my brother last week, the past couple weekends havent been ideal, but I know how to roll with things.

This Saturday was great for several reasons. I woke up early enough to get a good run in before it got hot and Wimbledon got underway. As discussed in a previous post, Venus was crowned the Ladies Champion at Wimbledon, and I was able to sit and enjoy the whole thing. I visited the parents but it wasnt long or drawn out as can happen sometimes. And I returned home to do more chilling, a Saturday night of movies and SimCity4 was in store for me.

That is until I got a call from my friend Brian hoping to do something and thus begins my interesting night. First stop was Local 16. Not a bad place, but the main draw was the rooftop deck which was packed and it was hot as hell out there. The $6 mini Drinks didnt help either, one a piece and we were off to venture into other spaces. Adams Morgan here we come. Drink Count: 1

Angry Inch is the destination decided upon after some perusing. Its still kinda early so getting drinks is easy, they're cheaper and larger. Combination for a good time right? Another of Brians friend joins up with us just as the crowd starts to pick up in the bar but the place is cool and the people are alright. Minus the douchebag who not only is drunk off his ass, but he is hitting on anything that is blonde and has a vagina and attempts to smoke inside the bar. Hittin on the blondes doesnt bother me, but the smoking had to stop. A tap on the shoulder, a few "nice" words and one cigarette gone. Drink Count: 4... Onward with a good night.

Enough time has passed and the ratio of cool people to douchebags is decreasing, time to bounce from this place. Still early so into the street we spill with the rest of the crowd looking for the next cool place to go. South on 18th Street we treak glancing within each establishment as we go. A decision is made on a bar/club whose name we are unsure of to this moment. We ascend the stairs cause thats where the good music and people are. This is where the real party starts.

Another drink is had and my bladder is telling me to stop being an asshole. Upon entering the bathroom, I am greeted by three young ladies. Nothing new, drunk women are always in the men's room at clubs cause the wait is less. But the whopper is that two guys come out of the stall together. I take all this in while trying to piss. One of the girls goes "what were you two doing in there?" with an inflection in her voice that hints at the fact she thinks they are gay. Of course I burst into laughter and the guy promptly responds "none of your business, but if they arent gay, I dont think they convinced those girls or myself otherwise. Channing thinks they were doing drugs, but who knows and better yet who cares?!!?!? A random drunk chick who just got finished making out and grinding on some other brotha decides to try the same on me, but stringy blond hair, rolls hanging over your jeans and drunkily say "you're hot" is not a turn on. Thank God I am not an average dude. I see someone who catches my eye we rub elbows and she is close enough to speak to. Dark hair, good shape, and from what I can tell in the lack of adequate lighting she appears to be pretty cute, its too bad I dont have the balls to say something and test this "you're hot" theory before she disappears with her group of friends. Drink Count:6

Its around 2am and people are starting to spill out of the club. JUMBO SLICE HERE WE COME. Remind me why people bother to try and drive along this strip at this time on a Saturday?!? The place is packed but it is moving fast, they are pros at this. $4 slice of heaven, hot enough to burn the roof of my mouth and cause me to spill some tomato sauce on my white shirt. Nosy girls butted into our convo, Loud and Wrong. Thats the best way to be right?!?! But not even she could ruin my night. 230am and its time for home. The night awaits and I cant wait to fall into its embrace. If only I could afford nights like this more often.

And The Winners Are....

Miss. Venus Williams and Mr. Roger Federer. King and Queen of the All England Lawn and Tennis Club again (4 for V and 5 straight for The Fed). Ms. Williams, for the second time in her career, flew in under the radar and finished the tourney with reckless abandon. The way she gracefully and powerfully dismantled some players was astounding and magnificent to watch. As much as I love my future wife/ baby momma (I will take what I can get), Serena, it is always nice to see Venus perform on the surface she is most comfortable on.

My pre-tournament wish was for Justine and Shara-ho-va to go down early and big, and though the "early" part didnt come through, the "big" more than made up for it. The Thing glorified as gorgeous by the over zealous media, aka Shara-ho-va, was at the forfront of another Williams sister drumming. As you can imagine nothing made me happier than to watch Venus do to her what Serena had already done twice this year, strike fear into her bony-assed, stringy-haired heart. The Thing never threatened Venus for the match and despite its status as a match lasting two days play time was little more than an hour. Fittingly Justine also lost to a finalist, too bad the finalist was a 22 year old girl inspired by an actor taught and playing unconventionally and according to tennis player standards, well overweight. Thank You Tennis gods!

The mens Final turned out to be must see Tennis TV. There were moments when I was unsure who would win. Would "Boy Wonder" come through and dethrone The Fed Express? When is Roger finally gonna kick in to high gear and assert himself as THE King of Grass. 5 sets later and Roger slammed the point home. NOT YET BOY WONDER, ITS STILL MY TIME TO SHINE. Though Rafa annoys me on so many levels, (his OCD ticks, his ugly game faces, his incessant energy, his...) he has a big game and there is no doubt in my mind that barring an injury he will someday be number one and win a Grand Slam other than the French. The rivalry these two men have is nothing but good or the game. I hope to enjoy first hand this experience before their paths diverge.

Serena went down with an injury in the middle of the tournament. Won the match but was unable to finish the tournament in peak form. Hopefully she can get better in time for the US Open. Even if she is not a contender for the tourney as a singles player, let's bring back some of that good ol' Williams sisters doubles. You know aint no one out there better.

Next up on the tennis plate is the summer hard court season and the US Open Series Road Trip. Hows the cheesy commercial with the tennis celebs go? "6 tournaments, 8 weeks...." Do it justice ESPN or feel the wrath of an angry viewer. Maybe I will make it to Legg Mason this year, prolly not though. In need of some new strings and Shoes. Much better investment than a day at Legg Mason.

Whose House Is It Dammit????

...It's my house dammit! Or at least partially mine...

But more on that later, time for a little briefing. Its been a quick min since I was last on here and as a result there is quite a backlog of thought that need to be released from the prison of my skull. I often struggle with myself on what is TMI and how much should I truly put out there for the world to read, but then I remember the purpose of this is to abdicate myself of the mental torment that takes place by holding it in. Why not tell someone you ask? Mostly cause I am shy, despite what many of you might believe, and I often struggle expressing myself, truly expressing myself, in the presence of others. Besides there is nothing like reflecting to help you learn from the past. Bear with me as I reel off my thoughts of the past couple days over a few entries. This way you can choose to engorge on my life or just nibble at it. Prepare to be Domo-ed till your hearts content. Now back to your previously scheduled program already in progress.

...so who told you, little bastard, that just because you were allowed into our home as an alternative to living on the street you should feel free to make yourself comfortable. As a guest in someones house there are certain standards anyone with good home training knows to follow. And dont say you dont have good home training cause we come from the same home, problem is that shit prolly didnt stick with you. Using my bathroom to shower does not indeed entitle you to spend 20 mins in the bathroom "texting" someone prior to your shower, that is just sketchy. You dont take a shower so hot a vapor cloud escapes as you open the door and any entrants that shortly follow are made to feel like they have gone on safari. You do not eat up all the food, especially of someone who likes to eat. And most importantly (at least in my book) YOU DONT FUCKING DRINK A BEER, HIDE IT IN THE TRASH CAN AND "...DONT REMEMBER DOING IT." YOU FUCKING PATHALOGICAL LIAR!!!!!!!!

Actions such as these in my household lead to the hastening of your eviction date. Yes I love you, though sometimes its merely because I am supposed to, and yes I will do my damndest to help you if I can but you WILL NOT bring me down in the process. Get your shit together so you can get out and do what you want to do. You can be a fuck up on your own time, in your own space like our cousin that is gonna be a daddy "cause its something new." October 1 is the date that has been setforth, and it is based on behavior. Act right and try to get yourself together and we consider letting you stay longer. Continue down this path and you will find your belongings sitting on the stoop when you get back from work. When I signed my lease I knew I was moving in with one member of the royal family, a second member was not part of the deal. This "stable boy" only cleans up the shit of his own making!!!!

Time...

...To Come "Home". Its not where he should be, but the little bugger did manage to make it safely to a point of refuge. He is now staying with me, not the ideal situation since I can barely support myself, let alone my somewhat incompetent younger brother. I couldnt leave him on the street though. He was welcomed into the home of the princess and myself, with stipulations of course. House rules have been laid down, and I hope to God he respects them cause I dont want to have to put him out too. Don't know how I am gonna make it over the next couple months tryin to support the both of us and still have a normal life. I am not ready to be a "father" figure to an 18 year old. God give me strength. In the end though, it is better to struggle with family than to live like royalty alone. Adios y Buenos Dias

You Might Win Some...

...But they just lost one. Today started as most Saturdays have recently, me not running. This marathon is gonna suck. Plans had been laid for tennis in the evening, which means my entire day was filled with anticipation. I hadn't played too well all week so I was hoping to salvage my tennis game before weeks end. Life had other plans for me though.

Saturday also means time with the family with the first stop being my Gparents place. I hadn't seen them in a couple weeks and I had an ulterior motive, stealing the tennis ballhopper my grandfather had and no longer used. Shortly after entering the refuge, I briefly called home, my grandmother informs me of the latest chapter in the Dante Saga. Love my brother to death, but Dios Mio he is a fuck up.

Apparently last night he "borrowed" the car once again without asking. A metaphor as lame as "the straw that broke the camel's back" does not do justice in this instance. This was literally the end of my father's patience. Upon his return from his excursion, per my father's insistence, he was promptly evicted. Keys, phone and welcome were seized. He would be left to fare for himself on the sometimes hard streets of our city.

I knew my mother couldnt be taking this too well for she was the only reason he stayed in the house as long as he did. I thanked my g-rents for the proper warning they had provided me concerning the powder keg I was venturing into and headed to the home I fled for this very reason. Silent prayers uttered on the way to my parents house did little to comfort my soul that was seething in pain from my newest revelation. "Please Lord, grant us strength to survive and protect Dante on his perilous journey ahead."

I arrived home and much to my surprise, everyone appeared to be taking the situation rather well. Mom's facade cracked shortly before my exit, when my brother's boss called to ask why Dante hadn't showed up to work. Though neither of us could hear what my he was saying on the phone, based on my dad's responses we knew it wasn't good. At this point mom made an exit of her own. What is it about those walls that just drives people out? Being a momma's boy I did all I could to console my mother including guarantee her that my brother had space in my place should he come looking for it. I hate seeing tears flow down her cheeks.

I write this with, to my knowledge, no change in my brothers MIA status. Prayers are appreciated but not required. I am holding together fine so dont worry about me.

They just lost one.