Monday, October 1, 2007

My (Un)Healthy Obsession

Hi my name is Dominique and I have an obsession... ::insert your support group welcome here::but I know I am not alone. I have come to the harsh reality that my obsession is an unhealthy one. Drawing the conclusion that my obsession is unhealthy seems completely unnecessary. The statement in and of itself is oxymoronic. How can an obsession be healthy? It is defined as "to think about something unceasingly or persistently". If something is ultimately consuming it cant be to conducive to a healthy state of being.

So what is my obsession? Weight. I am not a 600 lbs. morbidly obese man or 86 lbs. bhelemic/ annorexic woman, but I have issues that need some confronting. I constantly struggle with the (somewhat) irrational fear that I will end up as the former. I am entrenched in a genetic battle. Much like the 100 Years' War that entrapped France and England during the middle ages, this battle is constant and never ending. Periods of inner peace are followed by stretches of turmoil and unrest.

I know my obsession is at least partly grounded, as so many things are, in my upbringing. Like most people in pop-culture, my family looks down upon overweight and obese (FAT!) people. We spend countless hours poking fun at and laughing about how FAT people are whenever we are together. The ironic thing however is that that the forebearers in my family are far from the image standards we hold everyone else to. There are many contributing factors to their losses in the battle against weight gain; my mom like to credit the two "big head boys" and menopause for ravaging her slim figure, while my dad points the finger at a bad back and two bad knees. The truth is the two have carried on sorid affairs with Ms. Eneethang Sweet and Mr. Lotza Szalt adding to the inevitable affects of aging and a slowing metabolic rate.

I see myself in my father and grandfather, an athletic man in his "prime" with the ability to eat recklessly and abundantly with little regard for calorie counts and trans fats quantities with few foreseable present reprocussions. But post prime, when this fine tuned machine I was given by God starts to wear down, the battle is an uphill one comparable to climbing Mt. Everest in a blizzard. My obsession comes from not wanting to take the same path my parents have chosen while at the same time trying to help them reverse the damage.

Not only does my obsession with weight force me to ponder on it incessantly. But it imbues a sense of yearning within me to intake programing pertaining to overweight people and a nation of overconsumers. Yes its gross to see a 1000 lb. man have to be airlifted out of his place because he cant walk down the stairs, but it is also what I need to see, so I dont end up like him.

In the end I will continue to wage the war against my genes, with the hopes of eating healthier in smaller quantities, but I dont know what my future holds.

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