Trainning before Gaming

The off-season (winter) for amateurs is not much different than it is for pros. The colder weather and shorter days in the northern hemisphere mean less suitable time to do the thing we love...play tennis.
The focus of my training will be on my skill sets and overall athletic abilities. I will start in the same place the tennis game does, with the serve. My dad is always telling me that you need to have a good serve cause it is the one point you have complete control over and you want it to help you get some cheap points from time to time. Taking advice and pointers from him can be very difficult though; he like his father (and I like him) has a tendency to be overbearing at times. Still I try to listen what he says, and combine that with what I see the pros doing and what I have read and use it to my own benefit. Over the past couple weeks that I have been working on it I have seen positive results; my serve has improved from the embarrassing to bearable, but I am not stopping there. I don't want to push it to hard, but if I can I would like to add variety to it rather than just getting it in.
Along with the serve I am going to work on a shot that I would really like to have as part of my arsenal, for both offensive and defensive reasons, the slice. Coming in both backhand and forehand varieties, the slice is a great way to mix things up, change the pace of a rally, get your opponent out of position or get a ball that was largely out of reach. The forehand slice is rarely used in the game as anything other than defensive because it is an awkward shot, but the backhand slice when used correctly is a thing of beauty. Because unlike the serve I need someone else to practice this shot, I dont think that I will be improving on it as much this winter.
Lastly I would also like to work on my volleying. Being able to get to the net and finish a point of is important. What good is getting your opponent out of position if you stay back and give them time to recover. As well it is an essential part of the doubles game which I enjoy. Work on not swinging and punch the ball and all will be well.
There is alot to work on but I think it is doable. I hope the weather stays nice so I can keep playing outdoors cause I cant afford to play indoors. The spring season should be fun. More challenging and better tennis in the future.

I was at a party last night?...

Drunk is probably an insufficient term for what I was last night. This of course is a guess cause other than the one photo I have seen of me in my drunken stupor, I have little recollection of what happened last night post 2130 HRS. I know that drinking to this point is bad for me, but God it felt good to just do a little unwinding. After leaving work early, grabbin cash some McDs and Liquor the partying began. Start time 1630 HRS and I was pretty drunk by the time we left for the party at 2030 HRS. What a night and it was and in the end I didnt die, I didnt lose anything, I didnt spend more money that I wanted and I am sure I had fun and I couldnt ask for more. I do think I will lay off the hard liquor for a while and stick to beer. No more partying for me for the foreseeable future thanks to work, but that might be a good thing cause right now the sight of liquor could induce vomiting. Might as well try to enjoy the rest of the weekend....

Last night was great...

...until the moment after.

It started out with us meeting at Bussboys and Poets for drinks, but wouldnt you know it, it was packed, so off we went to the next location. Ended up at Tabaq, which was a great place. Music wasnt my favorite, but it wasnt overly distracting which allowed us to talk and get to know each other. For once I shut up and did most of the listening, and I was able to learn alot about you; it was fun.

You were hungry, and didnt want to say goodbye, so we went to "The Diner" in Adams Morgan. Shortly after being seated and placing our orders an old friend of yours came in and coincidentally was seated at the table right next to us. I sat patiently waiting for the time we could get back to talking; I was trying to be polite and not look bored or annoyed that this guy was talking to you. One shitty Poorboy's Shrimp Sandwich and one order of "Chilean" Cheese with a side of chili and fries later we left. Thanks for treating, I dont mind the assertiveness but I will return the favor shortly.

I decided to go back to your place cause you wanted to hang. EVERYTHING went great until we went to sleep. I know its only been a short period of time, but it seemed different than before. Did I say something in my sleep? Did I let some hint of my sometimes (in reality I know its most times) obnoxious heavy sarcasm slip out and put doubt in your mind of the future of a possible relationship? Are our differences to great to overcome? Am I overreacting?

The morning goodbye and things still felt off. Today you will consume my thoughts, and not in the same way as the previous two days. Today, I will think only about how I fucked things up and if I will ever hear from you again. I have too much fear to initiate contact myself, which might exacerbate the situation but I think its a risk that I am going to take. UUGGGHHH. I guess there is a small part of me that hopes you will somehow stumble upon my blog and I will get concrete answers, even if they substantiates my worst fear.

Xanga Therapy. There is nothing like it!

Relationship Hypochondria

While walking to work to today I had time to think about some things of the previous week. My thoughts were focused mainly on my newly acquired obsession. After 15 minutes, of meticulously reviewing and analyzing what are most likely minor or non issues, I realized that I am a relationship hypochondriac. Let us define this for clarity purposes; A hypochondriac is:

• A person who constantly believes he or she is ill or about to become ill
  
• a patient with imaginary symptoms and ailments
  
• a person who worries or talks excessively about his or her health

Relationship hypochondriacs of course focus on their relationships not their health, and it sucks! Everything you do is self-scrutinized and you are in constant fear that I will do something/ have done something that will start the dissolution of the relationship. In relationships of the heart, I attribute these baseless fears to my own naïveté. In other relationships I worry less, but any worries I do have our usually cause I often act/speak without thinking first.

When did I become so concerned with what other people thought of me? Why do I suddenly feel the need to be validated by any and everyone? What happened to the carefree happy guy that entered Iowa State University "destined to change the world one person at a time"?

This is why I remained emotionally unavailable for so long; its easier to deal with mentally. Off to work and continue to worry.

Serial Blogger?!?!?!

Much like killers of the same type, I have become slightly addicted to my "craft". I have found that almost every moment of my being is blog worthy. Will this be the running record of my life? Who needs to scrapbook when they internet has endless space to post your life's story in whatever fashion you choose?

I have recently become enamored with the possibility of different types of blogs. Everything need not be written, a picture is worth a thousand words and "moving pictures" exponentiate that equation. The possibilites are endless, and hopefully not overwhelming.

This would make blog number 3 on as many websites. It boils down to the question when is too much. Each site has it advantages and disadvantages and if only they could all be combined into one perfect site it would be great. For now I will settle with relegating a different part of my life to each blog. xanga = life; wordpress = un lugar para practicar espanol; blogger = ?.... I will have to put some thought into this one. Right now I am thinking it is a good place to blog on my thoughts about tennis, or maybe to practice my creative writing. The decision is up in the air and will most likely remain so for a while. Maybe a couple test blogs to figure something out. I must say however I am impressed with the title. Peace for now cyberspace.

This is what I live with...

This is what I must endure. Part of me said it is wrong to put this out there but I had to put out there. I know this is her room and I have no business criticizing it but, this is not limited to her room; it is just exponentiated in her room. My favorite of course is the first pic. You get a full view of the entire room including the dead plant that is in the corner. I hope she doesnt have children anytime soon. Utter madness I tell you!

Xanga....

...saving people from themselves for over 5 years.

I write this knowing if I don't I will do something I might regret later. I have so often guarded myself from real emotional relationships for fear that it would complicate things and eventually end with hurt. As a result I have only been in one "real" relationship in my entire life. Sophomore year of college I allowed myself to open up a little to someone and it sucked. There wasn't alot of pain in the disintegration of the relationship, but it did complicate life for awhile and it sucked. Maybe I was too guarded back then, I don't know.

Today I find myself in a similar situation. I have met someone that I am interested in really getting to know. Someone that I can see myself investing serious time in and it scares me. For the past two days they are all I can think about. Is it ok to call/text? should I wait? am I being annoying? Will being passive send the wrong message and cause me to miss the one chance I might have had? Its weird also cause its a part of me that I don't show others ever. What if the feelings are mutual? Can I be a positive force in a relationship and not drive someone away with obnoxious nitpicking and sarcasm.

On another note.... in the middle of this blog, I received a phone call. I am getting a new job bitches; I am free of this damn hell hole. 12/10 is the date! Better start saving them pennies so that I can afford to live. I better get on the grind in getting a second job. These bills ain't gonna pay themselves. This should help me think about something different for awhile.

The "Friendly Reminder"...

The dynamics of the work environment are always interesting and can often be complex. Alot of politics are played and more often than not people are looking out solely for themselves and their personal job security or advancement. Working for government of any sort alters the normal/traditional flow of business due to the bureaucracy, but contracting for the government tops them all.

From my experience over the past several months I have found that working for a contractor can be frustrating. You have a hundred "bosses", none of them really know what is going on or can provide a straight forward answer and the benefits/pay suck long run. These factors have lead me to be largely unsatisfied with my job and constant speculation about what I "want to do with my life". Additionally, with the having to deal with "stupid" people on a daily basis in the office and in the field, it shouldn't be hard to understand why I am looking to "move towards the light" in this employment.

All is not bad with this job; some of the employees are enjoyable and I would keep in touch with them once I or they move on. I have good time at work most days and my hours are really flexible which means I can have the second job and earn some much needed extra income.

Then of course there is the entertainment I provide myself by being "nit-picky", sarcastic me and makin fun of people that I interact with. Some people are just too easy; dent get me wrong though, I have no problem with "stealing candy" from the proverbial baby in this instance and will do it 90% of the time.

There is a guy on our job who fits this to a tee. Great guy, works hard, but socially awkward and not the wittiest of persons, we shall call him Turtle, or TMNT for short (all other names have been altered as well). He is a 24 year old high school graduate, who is a lifer. He has recently been placed into a "supervisory" position and the power trip began. Yesterday the following email was sent to me and two coworkers:

Please make sure you're doing at least 8 cables a day, not including amendments & cancelations. If you request overtime due to workload, management (B, L, S) may look at this before approving. Also, this may be used as part of your annual SAD (company) performance evaluation.
Exceptions to not doing 8 cables on a particular day:
1. You don't work 8 hours that day.
2. Fire drills and other crisis from one or more of your field offices.
3. All of your requests not yet processed are pending itineraries and/or necessary information from the field.
On most days, you should be doing at least 8 cables a day as an escorted travel coordinator.

I have thought about it and I honestly dont know what direction this "Friendly Reminder" (the actual subject line of the above email) is coming from. I dent know what to think of this. Of course the three of us just laughed at the email and ignored his "friendly reminder". One even went as far as responding to it. Quite funny, I giver her props for this one:

Number 1: Let me just start by giving you the middle finger
Number 2: I will not be requesting overtime, I do not want to spend one minute more that I have to in this place
Number 3: If I'm here another 6 months, don't worry about my annual evaluation...I will have shot myself in the head.

Thank you.

which was then followed by:

Exceptions to shooting myself in the head:
1. My measly paycheck does not leave me enough $ in my bank account to buy a gun/bullets (in which case, I would probably grab the biggest kitchen knife I can find)
2. I go insane well before my 1 year, am put into a straight jacket, and committed to the local mental institution (no access to weapons of any sort)
3. I shoot you in the head instead (problem solved)

I have thoughts of my own on the email. Especially since I do more work than most people in this fucking job, but I think the two responses above are adequate. I couldn't help but write about this today while I was not doing my "8 required escorted cables". I needed something to do; there aint enough internet reading in the world to occupy me all day. I will admit however that the email motivates me less to do work than motivating me positively, passive aggressive is so much more fun if you are being manipulative in the process.

Reality Check

I know I have spent alot of time over the past several months talking about how hard life is for me right now. The finances are not the best and I am not completely satisfied with my job or "love" life and recently I have gotten so negative, cynical, and possibly even bitter, that I have even started to annoy myself as of late. Thank God for good friends and family being around to help keep me mentally grounded cause without them I know I would go way to far off the deep end.

But back to what the post is really about. I really need to wake the fuck up what my life is really like. I have a great life and right now I can count the things wrong only cause they number so few when compared to the things going right. Life is looking up and its hard to figure out where to start.......

The second job is working out great. Its not as good as having your own, pet, but it does pay really well and is extremely flexible. I have money to buy/ do things that I want and I am not overly burdened with bills....
I turned in my paperwork for my passport today and am able to afford it thanks to a refund check larger than I had originally planned from taxes while at school. If things go well I should have it before I leave for Christmas vacation with the family. But I wont hold my breath and just be happy if I have it by the first of the year....
I completed one goal and am working hard at reaching another. Run a marathon, Check. Improve Spanish, double check. See the World, You better believe it. I am roadtrippin to Canada in Spring with a bud, anymore takers?...
a new job IS on the horizon. All the paperwork is in and there is little standing in my way now. If I am good enough for an interim DOD clearance, I have faith in my ability to obtain this one as well....
new Tattoos. A birthday gift to myself. Now I just have to decide which one it is going to be and where. Input is welcome but as my father loves to say these days "[I] am going to do what [I] want to do anyway". And dont worry, its not gonna be on my forehead, neck or wrist. This is exciting since I have wanted another one for three years now.....
there is so much more to look forward to and I am gonna work on me. I think the next 6 months are going to be really good.

Ik houd van Zweden

...ok so really that's Dutch but its the same area so it counts; also, I am not sure I love the country of Sweden cause I have never been. Any feelings yay or nay I possess are for the Swedish export of IKEA, but I mean we are really just gettin into semantics here. Am I right or am I right? LOL. Another weekend of making money, means a weekend of spending money as well. 3 nights of pet sitting and 4 dog walks means money would be used to help outfit my living room.

Saturday was out the question cause that is family day, Sunday would mean an early trip to Ikea with an aversion to the $0.99 breakfast. The mission should I choose to accept: get a coffee table, some pillows and a blanket for the living room, maybe even get a comforter so I dont have to wear sweat clothes to bed anymore. One hour and way too many decisions later and the mission is a success. Princess Peapod thought a lamp would be good, so she bought the ugly thing.

The downfall with Ikea is that it comes "assembly required". But the good thing about being busy is you can get out of doning stuff you dont want to legitimately. Kickball playoffs at 2pm meant that I would not have to contribute in the assembly of products "we" purchased. I say we cause until I get the check for her share from Peapod then it is the stuff I purchased. The end result is the same though; our living room looks good.

My mission this week will be to get good photos of the city so that we can use them to adorn our barren walls. I have a feeling this week is going to be a good week.

My Driving Toothbrush and The Detergent Equivalency Test

Nothing is more enjoyable than a great day but lately great days have been few and far between. Only solar eclipses come around less frequently than days like this. Today several unrelated, but of themselves enjoyable, events converged into "A great day perfect storm" . Here follows the recipe for a "A Day Like This"

1. Payday
2. Wings Wednesday
3. Halloween

Not listed in any particular order or with any more significance placed on one event over the others, their confluence made each that much better.

It is a weird way to look at it but, payday is great cause I know that I can pay my bills and continue to live a life that I am largely satisfied with; yes paying bills results in me being broke, but I am also free and clear of financial obligations to "the man" for another month, so in the end I can take positives from it.

Wings Wednesday is great because Stetson's $0.25 Wednesday Wings Special is great. Some of the best wings I have ever had from a non-buffalo wings specific establishment. Spicy, Barbecue, Celery, Carrots, Blu Cheese and I will not forget good beer. Any regular bar patron will know that good food + good beer + good friends = great conversation. Sometimes the conversation is nonsensical to outsiders but only those involved really matter.

Halloween is a favorite "holiday" because I enjoy costumes and "being" something or someone else. Add chocolate and alcohol and people joining in its generally a good day. Because of the MCM I wasn't able to go to any parties honoring the festive day this weekend, but I was able to parlay it into not wearing work attire for one day. One lab coat, long sleeve shirt, pair of scrubs and security badge affixed to top coat pocket later, I looked the part and the day was go. I wish more people at work had gotten into the holiday, but that never stops me from having fun. Already anticipating the next Halloween and the possible return of SPOOKGASMA!!!
In somewhat unrelated news...

Pop quiz! Which is greater: 288 loads worth of liquid laundry detergent or 10 loads worth (EDIT: should be 15 Loads. Answers given before change will be accepted using those numbers and graded accordingly.) of powdered laundry detergent? Things to consider, contributions made by commoners carry less value than those made by royalty; one is liquid and one is powdered; the numeric system in Obliviana varies quite drastically from the rest of the world. Responses should be submitted in the form of short answer with supporting evidence for findings.

Have you ever been on your way to the next destination, and realized as you head out the door your mouth feels grimy and you can taste your breath. You cant stop and brush your teeth now you will be late. Thats when I grab my "driving toothbrush" and go. It doesn't need running water or toothpaste to work, just good ole' elbow grease and a mouth in danger of aromatic violation! Get your driving toothbrush today, wherever mouthwash and car supplies are sold. Also look for Flying Toothbrush, cause 10,000 feet shouldn't stop you from beating plaque to a pulp that can be swallowed or spit into a single serving cup!

Adios Peeps!

A Step in the right direction

It is so great when things work out for you. I got my Passport photo taken today and I completed the paperwork so, now all I need to do is turn it and its off to see the world. The first stop looks like a road trip, with my new bud Brian, to Canada in spring; Montreal, Toronto, who cares I just cant wait to do some international traveling. Between now and then let me know if there are any prescription drugs you would like me to pick up!

Good news on the new job front as well. Its still a jello-y foundation, but looks like things could be shoring themselves up in the near future. Hopefully I can put it off to the new year and start on an actual career path.

Healing from the marathon continues and so does the constant pig-fest. I am so happy right now, this is a much welcomed break from training. It also allows me to focus on studying my Spanish which I feel great about, I am really learning things. I know I will be ready for Spain 2010.

Just like the marathon I am gonna keep moving, even if I am not moving that fast. Buenos noches mi gente.

The Healing has begun...

Its been a little over 24 hours since I completed my first marathon and my body feels like it. Were it not for my continuous conciousness and self awareness I would think I was a person 50 years my senior. My joints and muscles hurt and I move at a pace much slower than what I am accustomed. I am so happy to have taken this day of rest, and the massage was great too; all thats left now is a hot bath.Additional revelations of the past 24 hours:

• I am more competitive than I previously thought and am largely unsatisfied with my time results of yesterdays marathon. Look for the training to start again soon and a better time next year. Once I beat Oprah, maybe then I can stop.
• Life is WAY MORE COMPLICATED than most people want it to be. The mere act of simplifying can be made to be complicated.

Tomorrow it is back to work, and Wednesday is Halloween. Still not sure what the costume is gonna be, but I will be celebrating. Peace all

What a Great Experience....

Until Mile 16. The event that I have been dreading for most of the last month happened today; The 32nd Annual Marines Corps Marathon. There were alot of things going my way, and some mistakes that I made in my preparations.

The positives: Thank you so much to everyone that came out and supported me, and for those who couldn't be here but sent messages anyway I appreciate. What a beautiful day to have to run 26.2 Miles; it could have been a little less windy, but the sun was bright and the sky was blue I shall not ask for more. I finished through sheer willpower and the grace of God; Despite the aches and pains he saw me through and that was the ultimate goal.

The Negatives: I should of stuck with the training cause my body was truly unprepared for this occasion; stopping at sixteen miles does not infact prepare you to run a marathon, neither does missing 13 days of training within 30 days of the grand event. Prior to today I didnt think it was possible, but now I know it is; EVERY SINGLE MUSCLE IN YOUR BODY CAN HATE YOU SIMULTANEOUSLY! Probably shouldnt have played three intense sets of tennis the day before, my shoulders made me pay for that one. Should have gotten better energy bars, cause cotton mouth is not conducive to great performance. Getting a good night's rest is important; having nightmares about soul stealing gremlin light creatures and being cold do not help in this regard.

In the end I am so excited I was able to complete the marathon, it is an experience I wouldnt take back; I can say that through all the aches and pains that I am experiencing right now. Its onto the next goal now: Espana 2010! Watch and encourage me as I eat everything in sight and pack on the pounds this winter. Adios Los Monos!

I Can See the Otherside

From the outside looking in, it is so hard to understand what other people are going through. Due to our higher cerebral activity, understanding and interpreting people is extremely difficult with whole branches of science dedicated to it. The irony is that it's our own innate curiosity that adds to our need to understand each other.

It is this very complexity that leads to my frustrations with people's, but much more specifically my parents, inability to lose weight. I am not asking them to lose a lot of weight immediately, but any forwards progress would be great. Till this week, I just couldn't understand why someone would willingly subject their body to the torture of carrying around excess pounds, especially at an age when the body is already breaking down without the added pressures.

It wasn't until today I could see into the world of trying to lose weight. I have never had to diet, or watch what I eat unless I was watching it disappear as I shoved it down; this week, however, I have decided to "purify" and prepare my body for the physical undertaking of this weekend (AKA the Marines Corps Marathon). Part of this purification and preparation process is to eat little to no fat (goodbye french fries, fast food, and hot dogs), processed or simple sugars (goodbye cookies and bite-size candy bars) while consuming complex carbs for energy (can you say pasta and rice, cause by now I can say it in ten different languages) and mass amounts of water to remain hydrated ("the urinal is my friend").

Why is this difficult? Well "His Fatness" likes being just that (all credit to thee who named me; your pretty good at it)! On top of the restrictive diet I have placed upon myself, I am not running so as to avoid injury or premature fatigue during race day and as a result am eating less so that I don't gain weight. AND THATS where the problem starts! Not eating makes me EXTREMLY cranky, frustrated and irritable. Only by going through this can I now sympathize to some degree with the pains people must go through to lose weight and fit a body image that is inconsiderately cast upon them by society. I LITERALY FEEL YOUR PAIN!

This of course brings up more issues with weight and food that I clearly have, but I will save that for another time cause I am trying not to all make this entry about me.

[Yesterday] Was a good day...

..Woke up in the morning, gotta thank God. Dont know why but yesterday felt odd. No walking of a dog, no running, and time to fix breakfast before I left for work. The weather was nice and I didnt have to worry about coming to work with huge pit stains. Stuff was slow on the job, which gave me time to do somethings that I wanted to do as well as prepare somewhat for the ordeal I am about to undertake.

Went to the MLK Jr. Library to renew a book and some other things, but the "system" was down and they couldnt help me do anything.
"Do you have any idea when the system might be back up?" "We didn't even know it was going down today"...(wait did she really just say that, she couldnt have said that)..."um...ok, thanks."

Despite this minor setback, I moved forward with the gooddayness. Spent sometime outdoors during lunch reading about the "The Dark-Side of The All American Meal" courtsey of Fast Food Naton. Despite not much sun the weather was great, the breeze was warm and it was nice to be out of the office filling my mind instead of my stomach for a change.

After my self-approved extended lunch break, I returned to work and actually did some. Nothing brings you back from the lofty perches you might have been on like the mundane process of sending more people back to the third world nations they fled. Onward the afternoon went with nothing truly exciting to speak of, but I did get a chance to practice some spanish and read up on some tennis. All was not last

Early in the afternoon I received a phone call that would proceed to brighten my day. Through the long process of interviewing and waiting and fretting I wasnt sure that I would actually get the job. Well, I kinda did. A tentative offer was extended to me as a Management Analyst G-5 within the GAO. FLIPPIN great opportunity. It is part of a graduated program that guarantees excellerated advancement with satisfactory performance. While the starting salary may be less than what I am making now, in six months to a year I will be making more for sure.

Great weather continued into the night and I was in the mood to make Hamburger Helper in the crockpot. That wasnt dinner though. Dinner was a carb-loaded bowl of pasta with some broccoli that I spilled half of on the living floor; what was left was good though. While fiddling around in the kitchen cleaning, (yes I am a little nuerotic about it, but I live with a slob) I found some mail for me that the Princess had failed to set aside. What is this.... A CHECK! YAY, money! $99.85 to be exact. Tax refund for textbooks from school. This means I can pay for my passport and start my globe trotting. Lookout world, here I come.

Said my prayers of thanks for the help I received. It was a good day.

Smokey Robinson Did "Black" Justice...

I love being black
I love being called black
I love being an American
I love being a Black American
but as a black man in this country I think its a shame
that every few years we get a change of name
since those first ships arrived here from Africa
that came across the sea
there were already black men in country who were free

As for those who came over on those terrible boats
they were called Nigger and Slave
and told what to do and how to behave
and the Masta started trippin'
doin his late night tippin'
down through the slave shacks
where he forced great great great grandma and he to be together
and if great great great grandpa protested, he got tarred and feathered
and at the same time, the black men in the country that were free
were meetin' with the tribes like the Apache and Cherokee
and as a result of all that
we are a parade of every shade
and at this late day and age you can be sure
ain't to many of us in this country whose bloodline is pure

But according to a geological, geographical, geneology study published in Time Magazine
the Black African people were the first on the scene
so for what its worth the Black African people were the first on earth
and through migration our characteristics started to change and rearrange
to whatever climate we migrated to
and this how I became me and you became you
so if we gonna go back,lets go all the way back
and if Adam was black and Eve was black
that kinda makes it a natural factt
hat everybody in America is an African American
everybody in Europe is an African European
everybody in the Orient is an African Asian
and so on and so on

That is, if the origin of man is what we gonna go on
and if one drop of black blood act like they say,
then everybody's black anyway
so quit tryin to change my identityi'm already who i was meant to be
i'm a black american born and raised
and brother james brown wrote a wonderful phrase
"Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud, Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud"
cause I'm proud to be Black and I ain't NEVER lived in Africa

'Cause my great great granddaddy on my daddies side from there
don't mean I wanna go back
now I have nothing against there
its where some of the most beautiful places and people world in the world are found
but I been blessed to go alot of places in this world,and if you asked me where I choose to liveI pick America, hands down

Now bye and bye we were called Negroes
and after a while that name was banished
anyway negro is just how you say black in Spanish
then we were called Colored
everybody is one color or another
and I think its a shame we hold that against each other
and it seems we reverted back to a time when being called black was an insult
even if another black man said it a fight would result
we were so brain washed that black was wrong
that even the Yellow Niggas and the Black Niggas couldn't get along

But then came the 1960's
when we struggled and diedto be called equal and Black
when we walked with pride
with our heads held high and our shoulder pushed back
and Black was beautiful
but I guess that wasn't good enough
cause now here they come with some other stuff

Who comes up with this shit anyway?
was it one or just a group of niggas sittin around one day?
gettin a little insecure again about being called black
and decided that African American sounded a little more exotic
well I think you were bein a little more neurotic
its that same mentality that got Amos and Andy put off the air
cause they were embarrassed about the way the character spoke
and as a result of that action alot of wonderful black actors ended up broke
when we were just laughin and havin fun about ourselves
so I say FUCK YOU if you cant take a joke
you didn't see the Beverley Hillbillies been protested by White folks
and if you think that of course you think being called African American would put all Black peoples minds at ease
since we affectionately call each other Nigga
I affectionately say to you Nigga Please!

How come I didn't get a chance to vote on who I would like to be
who gave you the right to make that decision for me
I ain't under your rule or under your dominion
and I am entitled to my own opinion
now there are some African Americans here
but they recently moved here from places likeKenya, Ethiopia, Zambia, Zimbabwe and Zaire
but not a brother who's family has lived here for generations
occupyin space in all the locations
New York, Miami, LA, Detroit, Chicago
even if he is wearin a Dashiki and sporting an Afro

And if in search of your race you'll find out quick
you're not an African American you're just a Black American in Africa takin' up space
why beat yourself up get a chance to go and you went
most people there wouldn't even claim you as one of them
as a purebred daughter or son of them
your heritage is right here now no matter how no matter what you call yourself or what you sayand alot of people died to make it that way
And if you think America is a leader on inequality and sufferin and grievin
how come there are so many people comin and so few leavin
rather than all this fine folk with America shit you promotin
if you wanna change somethin
use your privilege, get to the polls, commit to votin
God knows we have earned the right to be called American Americans
and rather than you movin forward progress
you dwellin in the past
we struggled to long and come to far

So to the folks who know who we were
lets be proud of who we are
we the only people who's name is always a trend
when is this shit gonna end?
look at all the different colors of our skin
black is not our color its our core
its what we been livin, and fightin and diein for
but if you choose to be called African American
and thats your preference
then I give you that reference
but I know on this issue I don't stand alone on my own
and if I can
let me be me
and I'd appreciate it
when you see me
there goes a man that says it loud

I'm black, I'm a Black American and I'm proud
cause I love bein' an American
and I love bein' Black
I love bein called Black
yeah I said it
and I don't take it back

This is a poem by Smokey Robinson, and I am so happy we found each other. Amongst the clutter of smut and stupid jokes my father routinely sends me, was this little gem. Its a six minute sound clip that Donnie Simpson played on his show, and it hit home so I felt the need to write it down for future reflection. I know there are parts of it that are controversial, but dont all great thoughts have some hint of controversy. Let me know your thoughts and how you feel on the issue.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN...

Much like the cheesy song from the 80's and rehashed for one of those karaoke competition shows, my final countdown has begun. Less than a week from now I will embark upon a journey that will hopefully end in my succeding in fufilling a monumental goal of mine. Sunday, October 28, 2007 at 8am sharp is the start of the Marines Corps Marathon and the culmination of months of training, whining, flat out indifference. By 12pm on that fall, (at least thats what I hope the weather will be like) day I will know how prepared I truly was.

As a result this week will be a mixed bag of emotions; there will be excitement and anxiety, fear and loathing, anticipation and despair. Come Sunday night, aside from the pain in my legs and various other parts of my body, I am sure that mentally I will feel nothing but pride. Any regrets that I might have had in registering for this mental and physical torture, will be vanquished in under 4 hours (hopefully).

Monday is my last day of self-indulgence prior to the race and then the cleansing and preparation begins. Look out for the email with info on how you can come out and support me.

The Modern Day Argonaut

Par for the course with me, an article shared with me by a friend has inspired me to write. The article from the NY Times was an opinion article about a change that has taken place in the average Americans life cycle. The addition of a period called the Odyssey. During this newly coined period of our lives, after college and before "settling down", we are apparently a generation of wanderers. We refuse to settle for something we arent sure we even want.

I, personally, am proud to be entering this period in my life; I have goals that I want to achieve and none of them include permanence of any kind.

And The Money Kept Rolling In...

What a great week it has been for money. As most of you prolly know I picked up a side gig as a dog-sitter to make some money for being social and making life a little more interesting. This was back in the end of August; September passed with not a hint of a job coming my way. The problem was that the company is based in VA and is just moving into DC, so its client base in the city is very limited. This was depressing and hard cause I felt like it was a waste of my time, I could have got a job that was gonna actually get me some money.

Finally, patience paid off and I was awarded with two new customers and a visit with a client in need. Translation: Overnight pet-sit for a chow Fri and Sat, AM & PM walks for a Pointer Sat and Sun, AM & PM walks for a pup = over $150 in revenue. THANK YOU JESUS! This money will be spent to pay off a stupid red-light ticket and decrease some credit card debt. May the jobs keep coming.

On A Side Note: Its been over 10 days since I last ran, a horrible statistic with the marathon only a week away. The next two weeks will require some serious cracking down in order to make sure I can finish this marathon. I have faith that God will see me through it in good health, but I need to do my part. I need your support people. Look for the race route and info in a future post so that you can come out and cheer. Best believe there will be an entire post on it!Peace

How Beautiful [it] can be...

Love is an emotion so deep someone thought it necessary to create other words just to express its varying degrees. Love and its degrees do not limit themselves to people and right now enamored is the most accurate degree for the connection I feel with Blogging. My blog may not be critically acclaimed or widely viewed but those things aren't important to me. It is my time capsule and spaceship. It allows me to simultaneously escape the moment and store it away to be discovered in times not yet arrived.

If only I had stumbled upon this earlier, in life. So often when I was younger I was resistant to "journaling" cause of society's stigma that journaling was for girls or women; insecure with my own masculinity (who doesn't struggle with image as a teenager?) I would not allow myself to do what seems second nature to me. It's like what Common talks about on "Love Is":...as men we were taught to hold it in/ that's why we don't know how till we're older menThank God I am becoming an older man...

Shadowlife

Not long can life be lived in the shadows before it is exposed by the light. All of life's secrets have a way of revealing themselves, most often it is at the least opportune moment. Is there such a thing as an opportune moment for a secret to be revealed?

We all have secrets the dark secrets we hold so close to our chests, so destructive are they to the image we have constructed to the world. While Senator Larry Craig has his unwillingly revealed in a Minnesota airport bathroom, Marion Jones decided to take the high road and willing bare her's to the world in a "dignified" manor. TV soaps are constructed on the drama created behind secrets kept or revealed and gossip mags make their fortunes speculating on the secrets of the rich and "famous."

Who amongst could be ensarled by the ravenous mob under that lusts for constant fulfillment of pain, drama, and degredation yet escape unscathed. Perhaps its time we reflect on what we would want should we have a similar secret and grant peace to these "innocent" souls. I wish there fate upon only my most despised enemies.

A Much Needed Excursion

This weekend was a great weekend, while I believe the Holiday in and of itself is stupid, I am all for a reason to be out of work. Took the extended weekend, made it a little longer and decided to go visit a best friend and the rest of my adopted family. Duluth,MN was my final destination and I knew fun times were to follow. As usual when I travel I got limited sleep prior to my departure and then hopped into a cab @ 430am placing my life in the hands of a cab driver.
I now apologize to everyone that had to sit in a car while I was at the wheel in my early driving career. I know it was 430 and there was no one on the road, but it was not necessary to go 50 miles an hour down 23rd St.
Happy to have arrived safely at the airport 20 mins later the check in process goes smoothly, that is aside from the stupid liquid gel rule that I had forgotten about. Goodbye hair gel and lotion, hello dry skin and scalp! The flights were great and there were no delay along the way. Duluth welcomed me with no interference, right on time.

The trip, was to be a surprise for the friend on the mend, but I had managed to unintentionally spill the beans the day before. "The unveiling" of "the specialness" as I had come to be known was less climatic than I hoped but the welcome was warm nonetheless. This was not to be a weekend of constant debauchery such as ones gone past, but a weekend of kinship and brotherhood. For this trip sober nights would be far more memorable than drunk ones.

Not wanting to dissapoint, Duluth presented me with its best face, another cold rainy weekend. Four times I have been to this City of The North and only once has the weather been hospitable. This weekend the wind-whipped from the east across the river covering the city in a perputual heavy fog that was thick enough to cut with a knife. Weather didnt keep us down. Movies and football were watched, people were made fun of, scrabble was played and food was eaten quantities that I long forgot that I was capable of indulging myself.

Monday arrived and alas it was time for me to depart. I said my farewells till the next time our paths would cross. Promises were made to try and make my way back before the end of the year. Little did I know my adventure was truly just beginning. What followed would make for a very long trip home.

Two words: Mechanical Problem. 3.5 extra hours in a plane at the gate. All connections to the DC AREA missed. $31 in food vouchers, $39 in hotel voucher. Extra day of trip. 3.5 hours of sleep. 630am flight. 8am arrival. 9 Hour work day. Journey Finished.

Would do it all over again despite the difficulties. Time has come for me to sleep and enjoy it I will....more thoughts to come. Peace

A second Taste of Freedom...

...5 years and 5 months ago I had my first taste of true freedom. A recent graduate of High School I was departing the home I had known and, at times, loved for the majority of my young life. My head was full of the possibilities that the road ahead would present to me. I did know that the 1000+ miles distance between my parents and I would mean I would no longer have to answer to anyone but me. That summer was one of the greatest that I had ever experienced and the years that followed I wouldnt trade for anything. After running for so many years and absorbing all the "freedom" that I could, I was ready to come home and be around the family, sure that I was aptly prepared for anything that they could throw at me. There was no way they could hold me back now.

...or so I thought. I arrived home at one of the most tumultous times for my family. Prince Half Baked was well on his was to being a royal jackass and this close to being thrown out. The inevitable happened on June 29 and out of love for my brother I did the only thing I could think of. I welcomed him into my house with a couple conditions and a deadline. The very jesture I hoped would be accepted as a symbol of peace in my relationship brother instead became a jesture with different symbolism to me. What followed was four months of absolute torture; I was a POW in my own house. It became so bad that all I could do was anticipate the day of my release. A countdown was started and prayers were said.

The deadline has arrived, Emancipation Day is here. "Take these shackles off my feet so I can dance" The future is bright once again, and I have to worry about no one but me. The freedom I had lost tastes much sweeter this second time around.

My (Un)Healthy Obsession

Hi my name is Dominique and I have an obsession... ::insert your support group welcome here::but I know I am not alone. I have come to the harsh reality that my obsession is an unhealthy one. Drawing the conclusion that my obsession is unhealthy seems completely unnecessary. The statement in and of itself is oxymoronic. How can an obsession be healthy? It is defined as "to think about something unceasingly or persistently". If something is ultimately consuming it cant be to conducive to a healthy state of being.

So what is my obsession? Weight. I am not a 600 lbs. morbidly obese man or 86 lbs. bhelemic/ annorexic woman, but I have issues that need some confronting. I constantly struggle with the (somewhat) irrational fear that I will end up as the former. I am entrenched in a genetic battle. Much like the 100 Years' War that entrapped France and England during the middle ages, this battle is constant and never ending. Periods of inner peace are followed by stretches of turmoil and unrest.

I know my obsession is at least partly grounded, as so many things are, in my upbringing. Like most people in pop-culture, my family looks down upon overweight and obese (FAT!) people. We spend countless hours poking fun at and laughing about how FAT people are whenever we are together. The ironic thing however is that that the forebearers in my family are far from the image standards we hold everyone else to. There are many contributing factors to their losses in the battle against weight gain; my mom like to credit the two "big head boys" and menopause for ravaging her slim figure, while my dad points the finger at a bad back and two bad knees. The truth is the two have carried on sorid affairs with Ms. Eneethang Sweet and Mr. Lotza Szalt adding to the inevitable affects of aging and a slowing metabolic rate.

I see myself in my father and grandfather, an athletic man in his "prime" with the ability to eat recklessly and abundantly with little regard for calorie counts and trans fats quantities with few foreseable present reprocussions. But post prime, when this fine tuned machine I was given by God starts to wear down, the battle is an uphill one comparable to climbing Mt. Everest in a blizzard. My obsession comes from not wanting to take the same path my parents have chosen while at the same time trying to help them reverse the damage.

Not only does my obsession with weight force me to ponder on it incessantly. But it imbues a sense of yearning within me to intake programing pertaining to overweight people and a nation of overconsumers. Yes its gross to see a 1000 lb. man have to be airlifted out of his place because he cant walk down the stairs, but it is also what I need to see, so I dont end up like him.

In the end I will continue to wage the war against my genes, with the hopes of eating healthier in smaller quantities, but I dont know what my future holds.